Saturday, January 29, 2011

What a Day This Has Been!

"Do Life*" Definition :

Do Life is a choice to take control of our lives. 

It is refusing to accept that life has to be ordinary or inconsequential.

It is identifying the areas of our lives that need improvement.

It is deciding to change.

And the key thing about Do Life is that it’s not about just one thing; if you want to become a better father, you become it. If you want to be a better student, you do it. If you want to run a marathon, you run until you can’t run anymore, and then you keep running.

Do Life is a movement dedicated to achieving these things and helping others as they Do Life as well.

(*Do Life is a trademarked phrase, because Ben is smart...  Mission statement from Do Life Facebook page.)

Well, today... I did life.  :)

NYC Do Life runners
This morning at 9 AM, I ran with about 45 other people through Central Park for Ben's Unofficial 5K.  It was was an eclectic bunch of very enthusiastic people.  Every single person there had been touched in one way or another by Ben's story.  There were people like me who were on a weight loss journey and other people were just there because doing life has helped them through their life journeys.  

I had feared prior to the run that I would be the slowest one there, that I would feel awkward because I didn't know anyone, that feel weird because I was a potential internet stalker of Ben's, etc, etc, etc...  But I gotta tell you the moment I walked over to the statue in the center of Columbus Circle, all of my fears disappeared.  Everyone was so nice, and Ben walked over and introduced himself to me within about 3 minutes of me arriving.  Seriously, he's just a cool dude.  He even remembered that I had commented that his unofficial 5K was a week before my first official one.  

Ben, me and Pa
I'm actually taller than Ben, but I purposefully slouched... :)
After the run the majority of people headed over the Whole Foods in the Time Warner Center for some breakfast/brunch/coffee/water/.  We ended up staying for about 3 hours.  Seriously.  Everyone just talking with everyone!  I met a couple of people that are running the same races I am in the coming weeks and we agreed to wear our "Do Life" t-shirts and to look out for each other.  I chatted with Ben's "Pa" a bit, from whom you can easily see where Ben's awesomeness comes from.  Pa actually jogged with me for a bit during the run.  He checked in to make sure that I was okay and to get a bit of my story.  But considering my pace (a personal record setting pace for me, I might add!) was about 20 times slower than what he was used to, he ran on.

It left me with such a "high on life" feeling.  I mean, it was seriously awesome.  From my PR setting time, to just the great aura surrounding us all.  It definitely reminded me why I set my goal of a marathon, and resurged my belief that I can actually do it.  I gotta be smart about it, but I really can do it!

After departing from the gathering (because we were kicked out of our table!) I ventured upstairs to the NY Running Company to buy a new pair of running shoes.  Gotta tell you I spent a pretty penny, but I'm in love!  I broke down and bought a pair of Brooks.  They are like having clouds surround your feet...  I never knew running shoes could actually ever be that comfortable.  Worth every penny.  

When I got home and saw the pictures posted from today on the Do Life facebook page (from which I lovingly borrowed/stole these pics...) I was kind of in shock when I saw the picture of Ben, Pa and me.  Man, I could really tell how much weight I've lost!  I decided to do a little side by side comparison...  Below is a picture of me taken last May at my little sister's graduation next to the pic from today.  The body its harder to tell, but look at the faces!  Damn...

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Officially Over It

I'm done.  It's official.  I'm OVER it.

What am I over?

I'm over it snowing 8 inches every single week.

I'm over not seeing the sun for over a month.

I'm over this weight loss plateau (ZERO weight loss this week.)

I'm over my hip aching so I have to take ibuprofen to feel normal.

I'm over this feeling of inadequacy and the constant need to feel wanted.

I'm over being disrespected.

I'm just over it.

That's all.

View from my bedroom window.  Over it.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Run, run, run as fast as you can! Can't catch me, oh wait... you can.

February 6th.  Mark your calendars people!  What is on this date?  The Superbowl you say??  While, yes it is Superbowl Sunday, however its an even more epic day for me.

It's my first official race!

That's right, at 9 AM February 6th I will be running through Manhattan for 4 miles.  If I'm serious about my goal to run a marathon (now less than a year away!) I need to get into the mind set that racing requires.  This means that from here on out I will be signing up for as many races as my legs, my knees and my bank account will allow.

Since this first official race is slightly longer than a 5K (and the furthest I've ever run is 3 miles and that was well over a month and a half ago) I realized today that I needed to step up my running, so I altered my route.  I didn't check the mileage of my new trek until I got home, and I was very happy to discover that it was a little over three miles!  I fully expected that at the end of my run I was going to be gasping and wheezing trying to catch my breath, but to my great surprise I felt great!  I felt like I could have gone for at least another mile.  I know, it was the endorphins that gave me a "runner's high" but really my legs felt great.  Granted, I did slow my pace slightly to ensure that I didn't over do it, but either way I was proud of myself.  It made me feel pretty confident that come race day I'll be more than prepared.

Aside from my first official race, this Saturday I'm running in an unofficial 5K that I'm also quite excited about.  One of the biggest influences to help me start running was a blogger by the name of Ben Davis (  He started his journey 2 years ago and since then has lost over 120 pounds, has run marathons and even completed an Ironman race.  He's unstoppable.  Since his inspirational video  went viral a few months ago, he has decided to expand his "Do Life" philosophy and is wanting to create a series of races across the US.  One of his first races is going to be a 5K right here in NYC.  It's unofficial, so there is no sign up or anything like that.  Just show up this Saturday morning at the statue in the middle of Columbus Circle.

I'm not going to lie, I'm a little nervous.  Even though I've gotten slightly faster as I've grown stronger, I'm still really slow in terms of a running pace.  My biggest fear that I'm going to totally be hauling up the back of the pack, but you know what?  Oh well!  The whole "Do Life" mentality is all about just getting out there and living your life and to stop caring about what others think.  I can't live my life in fear, right?

On a scale related note, tomorrow is once again my weigh day and I still haven't shaken my fear of what my scale will say.  I didn't run as much this week as I wanted because NYC was frigid.  Like, I got cold just getting out from underneath my covers.  I was afraid to run in that cold of weather.  I wasn't completely horrible in terms of my diet, but I definitely made some choices that I shouldn't have.  Oh well, I guess the scale is going to say what its going to say I just need to not worry about it.  I'll just keep working hard, stepping up my routine when I feel comfortable about doing so, and try and get that scale back out of my mind.

Always easier said than done, right?

Oh, and by the way... Oscar nominations came out today.  Go King's Speech!  Seriously, if you haven't seen this movie, get out from under the rock from which you dwell and get thee to a theatre!  One of the best movies I've seen in a long time!  Seriously.  Go.  Now.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Pants of the Past

Conan recently wore jeggings
Skinny jeans.

Every woman (most likely) owns a pair.  No, not the jeans that are basically this generation's version of tapered leg jeans and no, I definitely don't mean jeggings... (Those should all be gathered and burned in a giant pile like the Nazis did with books.)

I mean that pair of jeans that every girl has in her closet or dresser that is the size she wears at her ideal weight.  Miranda had a pair that she fit into (and then popped out of) on Sex and the City.  They might be a pair that you wore pre-pregnancy or a pair you wore a decade ago before life got in the way.  They are jeans that no longer fit for one reason or another but what we strive to fit back into someday.

Up until last night I had three of those "someday" jeans.

As I've mentioned before, I have to order my jeans online due to my extreme height.  Because sizing can be so tricky I tend to order a couple of sizes in each style I like and then send back the pairs that I don't like or that simply don't fit...  Well, that process works most of the time.  Sometimes I have simply forgotten to send pairs back.  Cut to three pairs of jeans in my closet that I have kept in the hopes that they will ONE DAY fit me.

Yesterday was that day!

Actually, a couple of months ago after I hit about the 25 pounds lost mark, I was able to fit into one pair of them.  Really last night was just me trying on the other two.  One of these magical pairs I couldn't have gotten past my knees when I first started losing weight.  The other pair didn't even make it that far.  They got to my ankles and said, "Um... I don't think so.  I give up lady."

I was skeptical, I must admit.  I didn't think I was ready for these jeans yet.  I thought I still had another 10-15 pounds to go before I managed to close the gap on the button and sit down in the comfortably.  But, alas...nope!  40 pounds was evidently the magical number!

What's interesting is that I really wondered in the back of my head if I ever would fit in those jeans someday.  I had never been very successful in weight loss, and so kind of just assumed those pants would sit there until I finally gave up and donated them to charity.  Now, these jeans aren't a goal.  They are just a highlight along my journey.  They are a reason to not have to buy new jeans so my droopy diaper look would go away.  Before they were barely a possibility, now they are a stepping stone!

Speaking of the 40 pounds mark, yesterday was my weigh-in day, and boy did I like what I saw on the scale!  A two pound loss!  WOOHOO!!  Hopefully this means that my plateau might be a thing of the past, but it certainly doesn't mean that I stop trying as hard as I did this last week.  I've had to step up my exercise and the results were on the scale.  See?  All you have to do is sweat a little!  Or, a lot.

Also, I have to report what I thought of Exercise TV on Demand.  I have to admit I don't think this will be my go-to exercise plan.  I can definitely use them in a pinch, but it took me a while to find one that I liked and given the limited space in my room sometimes it got a bit awkward.  But, I did eventually find a couple that I enjoyed and I definitely got my heart rate up.  Tomorrow its supposed to snow 3-5 inches so I very well might be doing some more of those videos, but for me I think I'll stick with the running full time.  It is a time that I look forward to as an opportunity to clear my mind.  I just listen to my music and zone out.  I never thought I would see the day when I loved to go for a run.

I guess miracles are possible!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Rain, Rain, go away!!

On rainy days like today, it is mandatory for me to find other ways to burn calories instead of risking my health by running in the rain.  I could handle the rain if it were warmer than 40 degrees outside, but I really don't want to become a running popsicle.  Blue skin is so passé, you know?

I know I have my trusty Wii Fit, and will most definitely be utilizing my new step aerobics attachment so that I can keep my heart rate up, and burn some more calories.  However, for fear of getting bored (both my mind and my muscles) I am determined to find new ways to burn calories as well.

I played some of my sports games for my Wii.  I wore my heart rate monitor watch, which also tracks my calories and while even though my heart rate never got up above 120, I still managed to burn 180 calories by sword fighting, playing table tennis and all sorts of other various games.  I even broke a sweat a few times!  But in the grand scheme of the mighty weight-loss game, 180 calories just isn't going to cut it...  Gotta find some more high intensity stuff.

The next thing I'm going to look into is this AMAZING thing I've just discovered!  It's called Exercise TV on Demand.  For Time Warner Cable customers in the NYC area, on channel 1025, there is an on-demand channel that is all related to fitness!  You can choose from quick 10 minute workouts, ab related work outs, Biggest Loser related workouts, etc.  I'm so excited!  Even though I've never really been a big fan of workout videos before, I'm going to change into my work out gear and report on my experiment with this new discovery.  I'm really wanting to change up my work outs to help break this plateau and these workouts seem like a perfect way to do it!

Also, in regards to the plateau I've decided that I'm going to cut my calories again.  A month or so ago, I actually upped my caloric intake because I thought my body had gone into shock mode and wasn't burning calories anymore.  I increased my intake by 200 calories and I actually saw a greater loss than the previous two weeks.  It seems like it was the right decision at the time.  Now, however, I find myself being more slack in regards to my diet because of this higher intake.  I'm staying relatively close to the calorie goal, but I'm not exactly eating the healthy choices to get there. When I had fewer calories, I was more strict.  It's as simple as that.  Also, I think my body has gotten used to this number of calories now too.  So, I'm experimenting with my number of calories per day and we shall see if this helps the situation as well.

Tomorrow is my weigh day.  I'm REALLY hoping that I see a better number than last week.  I'm hoping for two pounds lost.  I feel like I am back on track if I see that.  Tomorrow will be the moment of truth I suppose!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Rational, shmational...


It's one of the seven deadly sins, and its one that I've found myself guilty of A LOT lately.

As part of my process of get healthier, I've been reading blogs by other people who are going through, or have gone through a process similar to mine (some of these links can be found on the left side of this page).  People who have lost 50, 75, 100 or more pounds.  During my current frustrations of plateau-dom, I find myself being envious of these people more and more each day.  Unlike them, I sit here and see my weight hover at the same number its been (with the exception of the incorrect New Year's weigh in) for the past month or so.

I understand that for those who have lost massive amounts of weight, it is not a sprint race.  It's a marathon.  My rational brain understands, but given that I'm in the middle of a plateau and frustrated out of my mind, I'm obvious not rational at the moment.

I find myself watching The Biggest Loser and getting angry at the people on the screen who are crying because they ONLY lost 6 pounds this week.  6 POUNDS!!!  I have never lost 6 pounds in a week!  And they are crying because its not enough.  Granted, I know that they are working out 7 days a week, 8 hours a day and there is no way in hell that I could maintain that schedule on my own.  But, again its not rational to think that I should be on the same level as them, but alas I'm comparing my journey to everyone else's at the moment. 

Even though I know I'm not the only one who has hit a plateau, I feel like it.  (I thought the song in the video fits kind of perfectly...) Awful thoughts are going through my head like, "Am I just doomed to stay at this weight for the rest of my life?"  

Brace yourselves but I'm actually going to admit my starting weight... 

When I started this journey I was at my heaviest weight of 310 pounds.  310!  I was over 300 for over a year and even though it scared the crap out of me, I did nothing about it.  I'm back in the 200s at least, but I'm sitting pretty at around the 270 mark.  If I were to go by what the BMI charts say is my healthy weight, I still have 100 pounds left to lose.  That's right, I'm "normal" at 170.  (Keep in mind I'm 6'2"...)  But my "normal" weight is not what I'm shooting for.  I'm hoping to hit the 200 mark.  That's my secret goal that I've had in my head and haven't even shared with my closest of friends or my family.  Now you see why I'm not really comfortable with the fact that my weight loss has inexplicably stalled...

I guess what I just don't understand is why?  Why, if I still have so much weight left to lose, have I hit this roadblock?  I feel like it shouldn't be this hard yet.  It's too early for me to feel like its hopeless.  Like I am pushing a boulder up a never ending hill.  I know that there are so many answers that people can give me:  I'm gaining muscle, my metabolism has gone into shock and saving calories instead of burning, yada, yada, yada...

But my irrational brain doesn't really want to hear any of that!  I know my friends are just trying to make me feel better and I thank them for that.  But really what I want is a time machine to jump ahead a year and see myself.  I guess because I can't even fathom how I will eventually look with all the weight gone I feel like it isn't real or isn't attainable.  I'm a "seeing is believing" kind of person.  If something is tangible, then I will believe it to be true.  Right now my weight loss goal of 200 isn't tangible.  It's an idea with no evidence or proof.

So, I guess for now I just need to get over myself.  Even if I never lose another pound, I need to look at what I have accomplished.  My goal was to get healthier, and no one can deny that I've achieved that goal.  

But please scale????? Pretty please with sugar free syrup on top?  Please be my friend again?  I would really like to see what the number 250 looks like in the near future???  I'll be your best friend?

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Oh Wii Fit, how I love thee...

As you all know, I have been struggling with a plateau in my weight loss for a little bit.  While I saw a big weight loss number for my New Year's Weigh-In, I believe that number was not accurate (not sure how!) because I saw a 7 pound weight gain by my next weigh in.  I'm sorry, but that's just not really possible in my mind unless for some reason the previous weigh in wasn't right.  I followed my diet (although, like I do after I see a big loss I did get a big complacent... although not enough to warrant a seven pound gain!), and I ran during the time between weigh-ins, so I must admit to myself and others that I most likely just simply didn't hit my goal of 40 pounds by New Year's.

So, after I accepted this bit of disappointing news I decided that I needed to step my workouts up a notch.  I have been running multiple times a week and I've changed my course to be more challenging but I still was neglecting strength training.  Every where I turn I read about how strength training can stimulate weight loss because muscle burns more calories than fat does.  When you lose weight, you are actually losing lean muscle mass as well, so strength training is a must!  Enter my Wii Fit...

Isn't she cute?
You guys have probably heard me talk about it before...  I can't afford a gym right now.  I have had my Wii Fit for almost a year and have never truly used it with any consistency.  That's about to change.  I've decided that in addition to my running, I will be doing my Wii Fit at least 3-4 times per week as well.

Meet Maia, my Mii!  When you use the Wii Fit, they adjust your avatar to fit where you are on the BMI scale.  Since I am still in the obese category, my Mii is quite thick around the middle.  With the original game that the Wii Fit board comes with, you are given the options to perform multiple times of exercises.  You can do yoga (which I don't do because it's only individual poses one at a time and a friend of mine who is a yoga instructor got made because the game doesn't show variations to the poses), strengthening exercises, aerobic exercises, balance games and something they call "training plus" which are essentially just games that burn calories.

Yesterday, I started off with my hula hooping.  Hula hooping falls into the aerobic category.  I enjoy it because it works the abs, hips/thighs and also your calves.  I was surprised by the calves getting worked so much, but alas my calves are ALWAYS sore after I hula hoop for ten minutes. What I like about this particular exercise is that it is a game.  It counts how many spins you achieve each time, and I'm always trying to beat my previous score.  In order to do that, I have to work harder!  I am constantly pushing myself with this exercise.

I hate her.
Next up, I did some strengthening exercises.  Right now I'm focusing on my core/abs.  I'm still not incredibly happy with them and I realize how much work they need.  When you do strengthening on the Wii, they give you a "trainer."  They are there to help you follow along and give you guidance and tips as you do the exercises.  To ensure that you are doing the exercises properly, the Wii Fit board keeps track of your balance and where you stand on the board.  There is a little diagram and they show you where you should keep your balance, or where you need to attempt to shift your weight, etc.  It's hard to explain...  Basically it's to make sure you aren't cheating the exercises, and then because they are tracking it, they give you a score at the end of each exercise.  Remember, it is a game!  Again, gives you something to strive to better and beat for the next time.

Next I do step aerobics for 30 minutes.  The great thing about it is that you can watch regular TV while you are doing it.  Because the act of just stepping up on the board (which is about three inches off the ground...) doesn't get my heart rate up that much anymore, I add in my free weights and keep my arms moving.  By the end, my arms are like jello!!

To kind of wind down my work out but to still burn calories supposedly, I do a few of the balance games and "training plus" games.  My favorites are the Ski Jump (balance game) and the Snow ball fight (training plus).  Honestly, I don't know how these games burn the calories, but I just find them fun.  If they do burn the calories that the game says they do, then great!  If not, eh... oh well.  I've caught my breath and cooled down.

So, there you have my work out with my Wii Fit.  Is it as effective as going to a gym and working out in a weight room?  I'm assuming not.  Will it suffice for right now?  YUP!!  I have a few other games that I will be trying out in addition to this one.  So, hopefully I can add those to my Wii Fit repertoire.  Anyway, I'm just doing whatever I can to beat this plateau and get back on track.

If you have any tips on what you do at home to stay healthy when you can't get to the gym (or if you like me and can't afford one), let me know!  I'm definitely on the look out for new things!

Tomorrow is my next weigh day.  Pray this idea of mine has worked!!


Friday, January 7, 2011

I'm good enough, smart enough and gosh darn it, people like me!

I've realized something about myself that I'm really not okay with.  I put WAY too much stock in what other people say, or do, or think about me.

Or, I guess in this precise instance, I care way too much what they AREN'T saying...

I recently ran into someone on the street that I hadn't seen in a while.  I had spent a good deal of time with this person while I was at my heaviest weight, or there abouts, but they hadn't seen me since I started changing my life and getting healthier.  When this person asked me what was new with me in my life I responded with the typical, "Oh, nothing much..." hoping that this person would notice on their own that I'm actually 44 pounds lighter and that was actually what was new with me.

Did this person notice?  Not that I'm aware of.  Did that hurt my feelings?  Not gonna lie, it hurt like hell.

I had the same reaction over Christmas break when someone else that I'm going to leave nameless didn't notice my weight loss either.  Considering this was someone who had no qualms about mentioning my weight my entire life (in the negative...) I would have thought that losing a significant amount of weight would have warranted a "good for you..." but alas nothing came.

I know I'm being overly sensitive about this and in my head I know that it shouldn't matter because I'm not getting healthier for them, I'm getting healthier for me.  But my heart doesn't seem to get that message.  I'm someone who needs a lot of positive reinforcement (and from those of you who do read this, I THANK YOU because you guys give me the positivity in spades!) but when I feel dejected like this, I immediately revert back to how I felt in my early teen years: ugly and unwanted.

Again, I know this is way off the mark and maybe I'm just having a Debbie-Downer day.  Probably doesn't help that I'm not feeling so great.  Haven't run for a few days because of a wonky hip thing happening.  Don't want to run unless I'm feeling 100%.  I really don't want to injure myself and cause more serious damage.

Anyway, I'm sorry for the negativity.  You guys are awesome for reading this vent...

Have a great weekend and for you New Yorkers, enjoy the snow!


Wednesday, January 5, 2011

A little consistency, if you please!

Clothing stores are pissing me off.

As I've mentioned before, I am forced to order all of my pants online due to my extreme height.  Needless to say, whenever I need pants it becomes quite an ordeal.  I thought I would attempt to expedite the process slightly this time however by actually looking at the sizing charts that the websites provide and taking my waist and hips measurements.  Boy, was I wrong...

This woman needs to be shot.  Now.
First of all, I wish that websites and companies were consistent with each other.  According to different websites I am three different sizes!  But that's not the most frustrating part...  The  website that I normally order jeans from says that I haven't gone down a size at all, but I know that can't be true.  Currently, all but one of my pairs of jeans I own are from them.  I just got rid of a pair because they almost fell off of me when I was wearing them.  (I don't like belts, never have...)  All of the other pairs are seriously loose and as I've mentioned before, give me super droopy diaper ass.  How is it possible for me to have not gone down a size according to their charts?

This leads me to believe that their sizing charts are wrong, and in actuality this point has been proven to me.  I went to another website to look at their jeans after my frustration, and went to their sizing chart.  I had ordered a pair of jeans from them a couple of weeks ago when they were having a mega sale.  These were the jeans that I posted about a couple of weeks ago.  These were the jeans that confirmed to me I had indeed gone down a size.  Well, according to their size chart, I shouldn't have gone down a size either.  Yet, here I sit in the smaller jeans.  Quite comfortably, I might add!

So, what does all of this mean?  It means that size charts are bumpkiss.  Nothing about them are accurate.  I didn't save myself any time at all, in fact all I did was end up wasting time in my attempt to figure out my size.  I guess I'm just going to have to go back to my old tried and true method of just ordering several sizes of multiple styles of jeans (when I can afford to...) and returning the sizes/styles that don't work.  It's moments like these that I REALLY hate being so damn tall.

In some positive news, I have officially signed up for my first race!  I am running/jogging in a 4 mile race on the morning of February 6th!  I figured if I'm really serious about this marathon idea I need to get used to the whole atmosphere at these races.  I am also going to be signing up for a second race for the very next weekend, but this one is an actual 5K.  They are called the Gridiron Classic and the Cupid Chase should anybody wish to join me!  If you do, just bear in mind that I'm not fast.  Like, I think I can still walk faster than I jog, but it doesn't matter!  I'm still not really concerned about times.  I just want to finish.  If you do sign up, let me know!

Alright, time for me to get back to ordering jeans I guess.  Yay...

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Out with the old, in with the new

2010 was a helluva year:

My show closed.

Visited Sabrina in San Francisco.

Was a bridesmaid in Trisha and Nate's wedding.

Got a job for a month in New Orleans, but barely saw anything outside my office walls.

Karah graduated college and then lived/worked in New Zealand for three months.

Stopped speaking with my father.

I procrastinated working on my thesis.

Became very depressed during the summer and watched the entire series of the Gilmore Girls. (HIGHLY recommend!  Just don't watch it for 14 hours a day like I did...)

I had an epiphany and started walking.

Got a new job, but then it was taken away.

I started running.

I decided to run a marathon!

I got a job.  A REAL one that isn't going to disappear into thin air.

And the pièce de résistance: as of this morning I've lost 44 pounds since I started getting healthier.  That was Labor Day, or there abouts.  I had a goal of hitting the 40 pound mark by New Year's Eve, but honestly I even thought that might be tough.  I've lost an average of more than 2.5 pounds per week.  That's unbelievable!  And I've done it all the old fashioned way:  counting calories and exercise.  I never thought I had this kind of will power in me!

So far, 2011 has some great potential and I have some high hopes for it.  It's my 30th birthday this year.  My Mom and I have an awesome trip planned to celebrate it, as well as her 60th.  My new job starts at the end of January.  I am getting my finances in order.  I hope to stay on track with my health.  I have a secret goal in my head of how much weight I would like to lose, but I'm not telling...  Because I have to remember that if I don't hit it, it doesn't matter.  I've accomplished so much along the way and I need to keep remembering those little things as well as the number on the scale.  The scale is the measurement by which I calculate how much healthier I'm getting.  It's not the ultimate goal...  It's hard to remember that sometimes.  The goal is health, not a certain weight.  

So, 2011 this is what I have to say to you:

"Please don't be as wackadoo as 2010 was...  I don't think I can handle another year like that.  Kick my butt when you need to, but please be nice too.  Oh, and find me a tall, dark and handsome guy who isn't crazy.  Mmmmkay?  Thanks."

Happy New Year Everyone!!