Friday, January 7, 2011

I'm good enough, smart enough and gosh darn it, people like me!

I've realized something about myself that I'm really not okay with.  I put WAY too much stock in what other people say, or do, or think about me.

Or, I guess in this precise instance, I care way too much what they AREN'T saying...

I recently ran into someone on the street that I hadn't seen in a while.  I had spent a good deal of time with this person while I was at my heaviest weight, or there abouts, but they hadn't seen me since I started changing my life and getting healthier.  When this person asked me what was new with me in my life I responded with the typical, "Oh, nothing much..." hoping that this person would notice on their own that I'm actually 44 pounds lighter and that was actually what was new with me.

Did this person notice?  Not that I'm aware of.  Did that hurt my feelings?  Not gonna lie, it hurt like hell.

I had the same reaction over Christmas break when someone else that I'm going to leave nameless didn't notice my weight loss either.  Considering this was someone who had no qualms about mentioning my weight my entire life (in the negative...) I would have thought that losing a significant amount of weight would have warranted a "good for you..." but alas nothing came.

I know I'm being overly sensitive about this and in my head I know that it shouldn't matter because I'm not getting healthier for them, I'm getting healthier for me.  But my heart doesn't seem to get that message.  I'm someone who needs a lot of positive reinforcement (and from those of you who do read this, I THANK YOU because you guys give me the positivity in spades!) but when I feel dejected like this, I immediately revert back to how I felt in my early teen years: ugly and unwanted.

Again, I know this is way off the mark and maybe I'm just having a Debbie-Downer day.  Probably doesn't help that I'm not feeling so great.  Haven't run for a few days because of a wonky hip thing happening.  Don't want to run unless I'm feeling 100%.  I really don't want to injure myself and cause more serious damage.

Anyway, I'm sorry for the negativity.  You guys are awesome for reading this vent...

Have a great weekend and for you New Yorkers, enjoy the snow!



  1. Eh, I blame the snow for the negative feelings. Plus, people do tend to be oblivious to things that should be obvious! Anyway, I'm proud of you Maia! You have done amazingly well and will continue to do so. How goes Marathon prep?

  2. Maia,

    I think it's so awesome that you've accomplished so much. I can't wait to see you again (hoping for june...)! Stop with feeling ugly and unwanted because that is completely WRONG! I've told you before, but I think you've got great fashion sense and spunk. Stay motivated girl!