Saturday, July 30, 2011

The Day I Mooned Central Park...

Tonight's post will be much happier than last night's.  Promise.

So tonight, after having been kind of called out on facebook for having not run in a while, I decided to go for a decent length run.  I was going to try for my 4 mile loop around Central Park.  After the half way point (where the hills start to go up instead of down) I didn't think my legs were going to make it the whole four miles.  I decided to cut out the upper loop and cut through the Reservoir instead.  It cut about a 1/2 mile from my run, which my legs thanked me greatly for. 

Not too shabby a view, right?
This was the first time I've run the Reservoir since probably November and it made me a bit nostalgic.  The Reservoir was where I started my journey 11 months ago.  One sunny Saturday afternoon I decided to restart my life and did so with a simple loop around the water.  The Reservoir was where I learned how to run.  It's where I learned that I was capable of so much more than I ever thought possible.

It's also where I mooned Central Park...

Yes, you read that right. 

Last fall, during my time of unemployment, I would take my daily walks around the Reservoir usually around 2-3 PM.  I had gotten into the habit of doing it daily and I really hated to break up my routine because I was still in that phase that if I took one day off, I was afraid that I wouldn't get back into it.  Well, this one afternoon it had been raining all day.  I was really anxious about getting out there and walking and so I finally decided that it looked like it was letting up enough for me to just go for it.  I had a light raincoat/windbreaker and headed out.  At this point my exercise attire consisted of old t-shirts and yoga pants (because they were all I could find that were long enough for me).  The yoga pants had started to feel a bit loose, but I didn't think anything of it. 

After my first lap of the Reservoir the rain had ceased and I was starting to get a bit hot in my rain coat, so I took it off and tied it around my waist.  About half way through that second lap, I started to feel a bit cooler.  I didn't quite realize why until a moment later...  My pants had sagged to beneath my butt.  Good thing the park was essentially empty still because of the earlier rain, or they would have gotten quite a sight!!  I quickly pulled up my pants, tied the side of them in a quick knot (there were no drawstrings) and laughed my head off. 

I assumed it was the double whammy of my loose, slightly wet pants combined with the added weight of the coat around my waist that pushed the pants down.  Can't really be sure.  All I know is that it was drafty.

Now a days my exercise attire consists of items I never thought I would own in my entire life.  I ONLY work out in running tights now.  The compression of them and the moisture wicking material they are made from make every work out heavenly.  I still work out in old t-shirts, but I prefer tech shirts (just don't own enough of them yet to wear them all the time...) again for their moisture wicking abilities.  I own as many sports bras as I do regular bras!  I own special running socks!  I never in a million years would have thought I would ever spend as much as I did for my current pair of running shoes...

But you know what?

While I have spent money on all this special running gear, at least I don't have to worry about mooning Central Park while wearing it.

I figure I did that once in my life and that's probably enough. 

Although my butt is cuter now.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words still really hurt me

Be forewarned: Huge pity party and massive amounts of self loathing ahead!

I've lost 66 pounds in the past 11 months but I'll always be a "big girl."  I'm 6'2" and there is nothing I can do about that.  My body type will never allow me to be super skinny, I'm always going to have curves, a booty and a chest.  It's just the way it is.  I've accepted this fact.  I look better than I have in at least a decade.

So, why is it when a complete stranger calls me a "big girl" I get my feathers ruffled?  Sometimes its meant as an insult (like it was today) and sometimes its by a sleazy guy on the subway trying to hit on me.  The latter, I'm assuming, means it as a compliment.  But used in either context I get upset.  It's when I'm called a "big girl" that I'm reminded of how much weight I still have to lose...

I understand that a lot of the "big girl" connotation comes from my height and that is what upsets me the most.  Unfortunately it was the way I was made.  People always tell me that they wish they could be as tall as me.  I get it from at least one stranger a day, and I always always tell them that no...they don't.  They want to be tall, but they don't want to be as tall as me.  They don't realize that when you are as tall as me you can never find pants that are long enough, that you can't wear button down shirts because the arms and torso lengths aren't long enough, that you don't fit into airplane seats without being in severe pain, that you have to duck to fit beneath shower heads in most hotels, that you sometimes have to duck through doorways (and sometimes don't duck enough and hit your head painfully hard), that people will blatantly stare at you on the street as if you are a circus freak, and the worst thing that they don't tell you is that your dating life will suffer.  (This is more for the girls wanting to be my height I guess.)

It's been my entire life of thinking that there was something wrong with me because I was never looked at as "more than a friend."  My.  Entire.  Life.  I mean, I was 6 feet tall by the time I was 13.

This has given me so many complexes over the years.  Its why I thought I was ugly.  It's why I drowned my sorrows in food and therefore gained massive amounts of weight.  It's not my fault I am tall, but yet I suffer because of it every day.  If there was anything I could do in this world to make me shorter, I would do it in a heartbeat.

Being tall has made my life insanely difficult and I'm tired of it.  I'm tired of having something I can do nothing to control be the bane of my existence.  I can change my weight.  I can change my hairstyle and color.  I can change the clothes I wear, but I can't change the fact that I'm 6'2" flat footed.  I thought I had gotten past hating my height, but its obvious that I haven't.  I wish this didn't cause me so much pain.  I know people are just going to tell me to "love myself for who I am..." etc, etc, etc but I'm finding that incredibly hard to do today.

I just need to face the facts that I'm going to die alone.  I've lived the past 30 years of my life alone, what's another 40-50, right?

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Weigh-In Wednesday: 7/27/11

Highest Weight: 310.0
Last Weight: 243.8
Current Weight: 245.4

Weight Gain: 1.6

Total Weight Lost: 64.6

I am not happy about this, but I have no one to blame but myself.  My exercise has been pretty damn good, but my eating (especially over the weekend) was sodium-tastic.  I ate quite a number of things that are probably latching onto any and all water in my system.  I'm a salt freak.  I'm like a freakin' deer, give me a salt lick and I could be happy!  Salty goodness is my temptation, not the sweet stuff.  Oh tater tots, how you tempt me...

So, in my exercise news I have decided to kick up my work outs up a notch.  I realized that I'm not pushing myself as hard as I could.  I'm getting the time in, yes, and I'm burning calories but I am never sore any more. I always took my sore muscles as a battle scar.  As a sign that what I was doing was making me stronger.  I haven't had that in a while!  So, I'm going to be pushing myself to the point of exhaustion now.  I want to feel my body building muscle, not just going through the motions.

I have some potential news on the job front that could play a HUGE role in my weight loss journey.  Nothing is official yet, so I can't really talk about it.  But let's just say it has the potential to really throw a kink in everything.  It's going to throw my head for a loop and it will really test my resolve in staying healthy.  Once everything is settled and signed on the dotted line I will share, but until then I will be kicking as much butt as I can at the gym.

Here's to a happy, healthy week ahead!

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Weigh-In Wednesday: 7/20/11

Highest Weight:    310.0
Last Weight:         244.4
Current Weight:   243.8

Weight Lost:        .6

Total Weight Lost:  66.2

Well, at least the scale moved in the right direction this week.  It should have been more, but I ate horribly at the beginning of the weigh-in week (Wednesday - Saturday).  But I mentally slapped myself and told myself to make better choices.  That was when my eating got better and I've kicked ass at the gym the past couple of days.

I really need to keep reminding myself that I'm constantly making choices and that I need to be making the right ones.  I have a goal to meet and by golly, I'm going to meet it.  My one year Fataversary is coming up in a little over a month.  I have a goal to be 235 by this date, for a total lost of 75 pounds.  It just seems like such a nice round number.  Come on Maia, you can do it!  Just set your mind to it!

I do pride myself in knowing that I've basically just maintained these past couple of weeks though.  Shows that when the time comes for me to stop focusing on losing weight and just simply maintaining that I'll be able to do it.  But, that's not what I should be doing right now.  I still have 45 pounds (at least) to lose and its time for it to go away!

I just need more days at the gym like this past Monday.  The air conditioning was out, but I worked out anyway.  It was 85 degrees outside at 10:30 PM and my old self would have turned right back out the door, but not this Maia!  She hopped on a stationary bike and pedaled for an hour.  Here is the resulting picure.  I'm pretty proud of her.  The sports bra outline is the original color of the shirt.  The rest is sweat.  Hot!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Weigh-In Wednesday: 7/13/11

Highest Weight:    310.0
Last Weight:         244.2
Current Weight:    244.4

Total Gain: .2

Total Weight Lost: 65.6

I was kind of hoping to just maintain my weight this week.  I kept on diet for the most part.  Had a turkey burger with tater tots (my FAVE!) on Saturday, but that was both my lunch and dinner.  The real killer of the diet came last night.  We had a sort of company dinner at a fantastic Italian restaurant in Times Square and the its served family style (large pass around plates to serve yourself.)  I could have made better decisions, but I could have made much worse ones.  I had multiple glasses of wine, and I usually only limit myself to one.  I had several types of pasta, and I never eat pasta anymore.  I ate red meat, which I've only eaten once in the past ten months.  I also had two mini cannolis for dessert.  But you know what?  Do I feel bad about it?  Not really.  My stomach wasn't enjoying the red meat at the end of the night, but in terms of feeling guilty about the calories?  Nope.  It was a special occasion, and I had a blast!  I love my co-workers and it was a fantastic night.

The thing I do sort of regret about this past week was my lack of exercise.  I only went to the gym once, and I walked home twice.  That's it for the week.  I did go to the beach again this past weekend, so I probably burned some calories walking the half mile in the sand and then getting pounded by the waves, but there's no way of really tracking those.  I probably should feel worse that I didn't exercise as much, but I kind of don't.  Why?  Because this week has been leading up to the biggest event of the summer, well for me at least...


I'm a Harry Potter fanatic.  I started a project about 8 weeks ago to reread all of the Harry Potter books (and hopefully rewatch all the films) before the new movie came out.  Well, I was coming down to the wire with the last book and just finished it Monday night.  Now I'm rewatching all of the movies, which I will be cutting it close on those as well.  Could I be exercising while watching the movies?  Yeah, probably... But I really want to savor this, so I'm not.  I know its a once in a lifetime thing that I'm doing and it's not throwing me off my course.  I fully intend to get back into my routine after I see the movie at midnight on Thursday.  But, until then I'm snuggled in my bed (when I'm not at work) and I'm enjoying the adventures of Ron, Hermione and Harry.

Expecto Patronum.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Weapons of Fat Destruction

When people find out how much weight I've lost, one of the first questions tends to be "how did you do it?"  My answer is always "The good ol' fashioned way, diet and exercise!"

Since that may tends not to be enough and usually have to elaborate, I thought that I would do a little series on the tools that I have been using to help me be successful.

Thus, I present to you:

My rower.  I named him Phil
Weapons of Fat Destruction:

Tonight's Weapon: The Rowing Machine

This is a new found love.  These machines have always intimidated me.  They are set off to the side at my gym, away from all the other "serious"  machines.  There are just two of them, and they are literally in their own corner behind a pillar so that no one can see them.  I've wanted to try them for a while because I thought it would be a good way for me to work out my arms (which have needed some special attention for a while now...)  Finally a few weeks ago in an effort to break through my plateau, I gathered up the courage and ventured over to this area, blew the dust off the seat, and began what will surely be a long term relationship.

The first time I used it, I had no clue what I was doing.  I set it on a low setting because I didn't want to over do it.  I quickly realized I needed to increase the tension level as the low levels were far too easy.  As of right now, I'm not doing it for very long; maybe 15 minutes or so at the end of my workout.  By that point my back starts to ache a little bit.  But, I love doing this at the end of my workout rather than at the beginning because after I'm dripping with sweat I can sit down at this machine and the constant moving back and forth on the rowing machine actually gets a good breeze going.  You aren't all sweaty and gross at the end of it!  My breathing is quick, so I know I got a good workout but you don't have that feel of "ick" that you get after sitting on a stationary bike, or running on a treadmill.

If I'm going at my typical steady pace, I tend to burn about 10 calories per minute, so I'm averaging 150 calories per workout on this machine thus far.  I hope to be able to increase my time on the machine, but I really don't want to over do it too much.  I will build up my stamina slowly, because the last thing I need is an injury due to impatience.

I do have to admit that I think I'm already seeing some results in my arms.  It could all be in my head, but I really think they look better.  I feel stronger too.

The one downside to the machine is figuring out where to put my iPod!  I lost my arm band, so when I'm working out on the other machines I'm putting it in a drink holder or the iPod specific cubby.  This machine doesn't have anything like that obviously, and you need both your hands so its not like you can hold it.  So where have I been putting it?  My good ol' trusty sports bra!  I feel kind of silly about it and I typically wipe it down with the sanitizer afterwards, but for right now it's working.  It just looks like I have rectangular iPod shaped growth.

So, there you have one of my tools to success.  I'll keep you posted on how my relationship with Phil develops.  Hopefully he and I are in it together for the long haul.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Weigh-In Wednesday: 7/6/11

Highest Weight:     310
Last Weight:          242.2
Current Weight:    244.2

Current Gain: 2.0

Total Lost: 65.8

I expected a gain.  I had a huge loss last week, I indulged over the holiday weekend, I didn't work out that much during the holiday weekend, and I binged yesterday.

Yes, that's right.  I binged.

Yesterday was a really bad day.  A combination of a great many things culminating to just make for a really crappy day.  I never really talked about this, but last summer was just one day after another and what would I do to make myself feel better?  I would binge.  I would go to the near by drug store and stock up on a ton of junk food.  Then, I would get home and eat at least half of it.  Those binges were probably anywhere from 3000-5000 (maybe even more...) calories looking back at them.

Yesterday's binge was not NEARLY this bad, but it was a binge none the less.  My binge yesterday was probably close to only 1000.  Granted, I did end up going to the gym yesterday to work off part of it, but it can't erase what I did.  It's been a LONG time since I've had a binge like this and it really disturbs me that I went back to this sort of thinking.  I remember as I was grabbing the food in the store that in my mind I thought "I'm already going to be up on the scale tomorrow because of the holiday, so this won't matter..."  Horrible way of thinking, of course!  I probably would have only been up a pound or so on the scale if it hadn't been for yesterday's binge.

Well, all I know that I'm not going to dwell on my slip up yesterday.  I'm going to start today fresh and on a new page.  I'm going to get back on track and go to the gym this week.  I worked a lot over the holiday weekend and I was just so exhausted to go to the gym.  But, no excuses this week!  My goal this week is to work out 6 out of 7 days.  I need to stay in my calorie range and I hope to see a this gain off the scale next week.

Onward I go!

Monday, July 4, 2011

Judge not

Michelangelo's The Last Judgment
*Steps on soap box*

I've noticed something interesting in the past 10 months.  That when it comes to certain dieters and fitness bloggers that there is a certain level of judgment.  Whether people mean to or not, they tend to compare their own way of getting healthier and losing weight to others.  I've been guilty of it myself.

I tend to really dislike formal "diets."  By that I mean any formal eating plan such as Paleo, Adkins, Special K, Slim Fast, etc.  Unless its a vegetarian or vegan lifestyle for personal beliefs, I tend to think that these plans just don't make sense for a long term lifestyle for the vast majority of people.  There are exceptions to this of course, but I feel like the majority of people can't maintain it long term.  For me, counting calories works and is something that I can maintain long term because it allows for me to have a small indulgence every once and while and that's something that I need in order for me to make it work.  This, of course, is all just my opinion.

Is it wrong of me to think my way is better than others?  Hell yes.  I know that as soon as I think it, which is why I never voice these certain opinions (other opinions in life, I have no problem voicing!) out loud.  If I have managed to let one slip, and its upset you please accept my sincerest apologies!

I just wish that other people realized that this kind judgment is wrong too.

Lately I've had a couple of people make little comments as to what I've been eating as if what they are eating is better.  That my form of exercise isn't as good as theirs because mine takes place in a gym on an exercise bike instead of running or training for a race.  I don't hear any comments being made when my scale shows a loss just as much as theirs come weigh day, but yet it doesn't stop the food and exercise comments.

I have never been okay with people making snide comments like this in my life.  This probably stems from my childhood when my father would passive aggressively call me fat by telling me what I should or shouldn't eat.  Maybe this makes me more sensitive to these types of comments, I don't know.  All I know is that I'm going to mentally slapping my wrists whenever I catch myself saying these things to myself.  Also, I'm going to be ignoring these people.  Deleting them from friends lists, blocking them, deleting from phone, etc.  I just don't need it in my life.  There are plenty of supportive people in my life (both real and blogger/virtual) who are positive influences and who inspire me.

Be supportive people.  Don't make snide judgmental comments. 

*steps off soap box*