To Life! To Life! L'Chai-im!

Back at the end of August 2010, I had my epiphany.  My "ah ha" moment.  It was Divine Intervention.

Whatever you want to call it, I decided to get my shit together. (pardon my language, but I gotta be frank about this.)

As a bridesmaid last March.
Size 20+ (in denial of being a 22)

I realized that I had spent the majority of my time during my unemployment in my bed watching TV, eating incredibly unhealthily and being unhappy.  I realized that while the fate of my employment status was essentially in the hands of others, I could at least get my fat ass out of bed and enjoy the fact that I live next door to Central Park.  I was having to cook at home to save money, so why not start cooking healthier meals?  Make a damn salad once and a while?  It was time to exert some control in my life.

So, I did.  And I haven't looked back.

I remembered that my sister had lost a good chunk of weight by simply taking walks, so that's what I thought I wanted to do.  I had no plans to ever run.  I was not a runner.  I could never even run a mile.

I had never even attempted to count calories before.  Nutrition Facts were just on the side of food to taunt me.  I started measuring and weighing and logging everything I ate.  And within a matter of days, I saw the pounds start to melt away.

There have been some massive ups and a few downs a long the way.  Some lapses in judgement have occurred, but for the most part I've been strong and getting stronger every day.  (Physically and Mentally.)

A lot has happened since Labor Day. I have run 2 official races, and my longest jog ever: 5 miles. I got a job, which I like to think I got because my world had found balance.  I truly believe that things happen for a reason and when they are meant to happen.  I have had far too many examples of that in my life to not believe in fate.

As I sit here writing this, I am 260 pounds.  I am the lightest I have been in my adult life (or really since I started paying attention to my weight at the age of 24.)   I am a size 16, a size I haven't even ATTEMPTED to fit into since junior year of high school.

50 pounds lighter.  Size 0X(?) top.  16 Jeans.

I have lost 50 pounds.  This is a milestone that I wished that I would see one day, but honestly never really thought that I would.  This number says so much to me, but the thing that it says the most?  That I'm capable of anything once I truly devote myself to it.  I never thought I could run 5 miles, but I can.  I never thought I would fit in a 16 again, but I do.  I never thought I would be happy with the way I look, but I am!

But, you know what?  While I am happy with the way I look, I still have a ways to go.  This isn't even halfway to my goal weight of 200 (remember I'm 6'2").  I started at 310.  This is just a stepping stone in my life long journey.

Because when that day comes that I see the number 200 on my scale (because it will happen...) my journey doesn't end there.  My life will be my journey at that point, because I won't be letting my weight control my life anymore.  I will be controlling it, for probably the first time ever.

I want to thank you all for helping me.  You have given me a plethora of support.  You have given me strength when I couldn't find it within myself.  You guys have helped make this possible.

Here's to life, and no longer being afraid to live.