2011: Year of the Good, Bad and Ugly

Well, it's New Year's Eve and time for me to join in with all the other bloggers out there to write a recap of my year.

It was an interesting year for me, to say the least.  One where I started out unemployed and ended it working on a national tour, something I've always dreamed of doing.  It's amazing how much can change in just one short year, isn't it?

Let's see... 2011...  What kind of joys and sorrows did you bring?

In 2011:

I Did Life.

I ran.

I returned to Broadway.

I signed up for a Half Marathon.  Then didn't run said Half Marathon.

I hit 50 pounds lost.

I hit THE WALL and have essentially been on a running hiatus ever since.

I chopped my hair off.

I turned freakin' 30!

My Broadway show closed, but I got hired for a national tour!

I had my One Year Fativersary.

I worked out with a trainer and now miss said trainer very, very much!

I almost became just overweight.

I hit 75 pounds lost and then didn't.

I tried Bikram Yoga and decided it wasn't for me.

I recommitted myself to the whole process, only to have the holidays hit.

But, I will say I'm definitely ending this year on a high note.  Did I accomplish everything that I had hoped?

No.

Did I work hard?

Yes!

Sure, I might not be at the weight that I thought I would for the end of this year, but I've still done an incredibly thing over the course of this year, and this is not the end!  2012 promises to bring even more exciting adventures and I can't wait to bring you all along for the ride!

In 2012, I am going to Canada!  Germany!  Japan!  I hope to visit my little sister in New Zealand!  I will continue to see cities across this country I call home, including ones I've never seen before like Seattle and Portland!  I get to see Jason in Dallas!  Hell, I am ending this year by celebrating New Year's Eve in Miami.  I have a freakin' tan on New Year's Eve, I mean how awesome is that?

I will end this New Year's Eve post by weighing in for the final time in 2011.  I have a goal for 2012, and its the same goal I've had since I started this whole thing.  I would like to hit 200 pounds by the end of this year.  Doable?  Yes.  Will it require a crap ton of hard work?  Yes.  Am I ready to give it a good ol' college try?  HELL YES!  I think I might even take up running again.  I kind of miss it!  See, who knows what the future holds!!

Alright, here is the year in numbers:

Weight as of 1/1/11:                               266.8

Weight as of 12/31/11:                           242.6

Total Weight lost in 2011:                       24.2

Ouch, when I see a number like that for the entire year, it's a bit hard to take!  I've been fighting with the same 10 pounds for essentially the past six months.  ARGH!  NO MORE!!  I have 40 more to lose and I WILL LOSE THEM!  No more Mrs. Nice Guy!!

2012, watch out!  Maia's comin' for ya!

Weigh in Wednesday: 12/28/11

Last Weight:                        240.4
Current Weight:                   242.0

Current Gain:                        +1.6

Considering it was the Holidays and I kind of purposefully indulged (and barely exercised at all...) a gain of a pound and a half is okay with me!   I'm back into my "normal" routine today, so I'm hoping that these pounds go away with relative ease.

We're in Miami these week and I'm quite enjoying the sun and the water.  It's interesting, but during my heavier days I avoided the outdoors and sun like the plague.  I hated the way I looked in a bathing suit and now I relish the sun.  Sure I have a moment every now and then where I wonder if I should suck in my stomach, if my legs are too big, etc but then I just say to myself, "You know what???  Screw it!  Who cares what anyone thinks!"

So, I'm off to the gym to work off these few holiday pounds.  The view from my hotel's gym is of Biscayne Bay.  I know, I live a rough life...

Weigh In Wednesday 12/21/11

Highest Weight:                                                          310.0
Last Weigh in:                                                            239.2
Current Weigh in:                                                       240.4

Weight Gained:                                                            +1.2

Total Weight Lost:                                                       69.2

Notice the swollen left ankle

Boy, was this last week a doozy!  It started in Indianapolis with a visit from my mother, so I knew that I wasn't going to be eating completely on plan and that I wouldn't be exercising really.  And then the Plague hit.  I continued to weigh myself daily during the Plague just out of curiosity and I dropped down to 234.4 during this time.  That would be because I dehydrated and hadn't eaten in 24 hours though... Not exactly accurate.  Afterwards I still wasn't really able to exercise or eat that much, but when my appetite did return?  I think I overcompensated for the previous couple of days...  Kind of calorie splurged.  But you know what?  It's the holidays and if I only saw a one pound gain this week?  I'm doing ok.  Also, I still haven't really been able to exercise as much as I would like because I freaking FELL DOWN on Monday and tweaked my ankle pretty bad (attack of the Klutzy Maia!).  It was swollen all that night and Tuesday it still wasn't not feeling good at all.  This morning, however, it was feeling pretty good so I walked over to the beach (yup, a beach visit on the first day of winter!  Holla!).  It's still a little swollen so I'm going to stick with some low impact things for the next couple of days, like swimming, but I will most definitely get back on the exercise band wagon.  I feel gross!!

This will be my last update before Christmas, so I just want to wish every a very happy holiday!  May you be granted tidings of great joy.

Peace and love to all.

This post brought to you by: The Plague

My Mom visited me on tour this week.  This was the first time that I got to see her in almost a year.  And was I able to enjoy her visit?

No.

Why?

The Plague.

About one-third of our company got sick this week and unfortunately I was amongst them.

BOO!

I was really bummed because I am not able to go home for Christmas and this was to be our holiday time together, but she ended up leaving early because she didn't want to get whatever it was that I had.  Let me tell you, she made the wise decision because it was NOT fun!

I always hate getting sick because all I want to do is feel normal again.  I want to be able to sit up without massive stomach cramps, or not have a throbbing headache!  I want to have an appetite again!  I'm such a baby when I'm sick because sometimes all I want to do is cry because there is nothing I can do to make it feel better.  I HATE IT!

Anyway, I am now back to about 98% normal and am luckily eating food again, because it allowed me to catch up with my dear friend Emily (of Skinny Emmie fame!) at breakfast this morning.  Granted, I haven't eaten much for the rest of the day because my appetite obviously isn't back fully yet, but hey, it's a start, right?

Tomorrow we are off to sunny Florida for the next three weeks and boy are we all looking forward to it! After the bitter cold of Indianapolis, 80 degrees and half a mile from the beach?  YES PLEASE!

Catch you guys on Wednesday when we find out how this Plague will have affected my weigh in.

Buh-bye!

Weigh In Wednesday: 12/14/11

Highest Weight:                     310.0
Last Week Weight:                238.4
Current Weight:                     239.2* Must be noted that weighed on hotel gym scale, not my own

Current Gain:                            +.8

Total Loss:                              70.8

For the purpose of this blog, I am going to use this weigh in to be accurate.  I know that its not my own scale (that is currently at the theater packed in my other suitcase) so my own scale could say something slightly different.  I wouldn't be surprised if it were accurate though, but we shall see.

In regards to my experiment from last week about weighing in daily?  As much as I would like to do it everyday, its just not going to be possible for me to weigh in everyday because I do have to pack my scale Sundays and I typically won't have it again until Tuesday nights for a Wednesday morning weigh in.  (Didn't get it last night though, hence the different scale.)  Aside from the necessary breaks in the weigh ins, I did actually feel like the daily measurements were working.  It was keeping me to constantly be thinking about what I was eating, or how much I was exercising and the effects that it would have on what the scale told me.  So, I might continue weighing in daily when I can, we'll continue with this experiment.  I think I'm going to give it a full month and see what my weight is at the end of it.

Dreamers of the Dreams

One of my favorite movie quotes of all time is from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the Gene Wilder version, not the Johnny Depp version...)

"We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dreams..."


I'm sure it's probably actually in the Roald Dahl book, but I never read that as a child...  Anyway, that's besides the point.

I always loved this quote but I never actually lived by it.  Aside from a few career oriented goals, I never allowed myself to dream.  I lived by the cynical viewpoint of "why dream dreams, because its not like they are going to come true..."

How sad and depressing is THAT!?!

Now, I am happy to admit, I have a completely different outlook.  I find myself not only setting goals, but dreaming dreams.  Since I started this adventure 15 months ago, I feel as though I can accomplish what I set my mind to, so why not shoot for the moon?  Kind of a complete 180, don't you think?

Before I never even dared to dream that I would back to a more "normal" size.  That I could look in the mirror and say "Lookin' good today!"  That I could run for miles, or being lifting weights on a regular basis.  If I can achieve those things, who knows what else I can do?  The sky is the limit as far as I'm concerned.

I really like having a more positive outlook on life.  I always believed myself to be such a cynical (or as I liked to trick myself into believing a "realistic") person but in reality I was just a Debbie Downer.  I'm surprised I still manage to have friends!  I'm not saying that I don't have moments where the negative thoughts creep back in, but I would say its more like 90/10 in favor of more positivity where as it was probably completely reversed before.

Man, it feels good to be happy...

So, what kind of dreams are you dreaming?

Weigh-in Wednesdays Return! 12/7/11 Edition

Highest Weight (9/1/10):                         310.0

Last Official Weight (11/19/11):             245.0

Current Weight (12/7/11):                       238.4

Weight Lost since last weigh in:                 6.6

Total Weight Lost:                                    71.6

With the invention of Maia 2.1 I have decided that no matter what the outcome, I am back to posting my weigh ins.  I will see even a bad number as a learning experience and I will take from it and grow.   That is something that I forgot...  Accountability.  If I see a bad number, its because I earned it.  Either through blowing off workouts or not eating as I should.  I will hold myself responsible for my successes and my failures.

I am back to tracking food.  That means that I need to be eating more foods that I can track (ie, not eating out so much!).  When I was first losing weight, I maybe ate one or two meals a week that I didn't completely prepare myself.  I would guesstimate what their calories were and I would still track them.  Even if I was off by a bit, I was still noting them.  I haven't done this in a LONG time.  Even towards then end, I would typically stop tracking my food after lunch.  That's not okay!  That's not properly holding myself accountable!

There is currently a trend in the weight loss blogging world where people are tracking their weight daily in order to hold themselves accountable for their decisions the day before.  I'm debating whether or not to do this myself.  I would only officially count the weigh ins on Wednesdays, but in order to make sure I make good decisions everyday I would step on the scale and make note of it.  Maybe I'll try it for a week and see what it does for me mentally.  If it screws with my head too much, I'll stop and go back to just weighing weekly.  However, if I find it does affect my day to day decisions and I see the results?  Maybe I'll stick with it...

Tune in next week to see if I do the daily weigh in challenge!  Until then, live healthy lives and make good choices people!

Maia 2.1: The Newer and Even MORE Improved!

I don't know if you, my few readers, have noticed but I took a bit of a hiatus from the blog.  I felt like I wasn't writing anything interesting.  All I kept reporting was that I hadn't lost any weight, that I needed to get my eating back on track and that life on the road was good and interesting.

Well, I'm back and I still am reporting those same things.  I've been fluctuating within the same five pound range for the majority of the past two months.  I did drop down to my lowest weight of my adult life at one point, but two weeks later had sky rocketed back up.  I am happy that while I'm not eating the greatest things in the world, (scrumptious tater tots, I'm looking at YOU!) I'm still eating a helluva lot better than I was 16 months ago.  So, maintaining is good thing I suppose.  Because honestly I feel like I've been living like I would once I stop actively trying to lose weight and it shows that I will be able to maintain it.  However, the problem is obvious:  I still have a lot of weight to lose!  I can't be okay with just maintaining!

The Snack-age.  There used to be more!

As of my last weigh in, I have about 40 more pounds to lose until I hit my weight loss goal.  I can do it.  My problem comes with the snacking.  My meals aren't horrible, and my snacks aren't horrible.  However, I'm simply eating too much when I snack!  I'm a grazer for the most part and I currently have a mound of snacks by my desk.  What do I do with food sitting out in front of me?  I eat it!!  So, I'm officially cutting back on the snacks.  I need to remind myself that I don't need to eat unless I'm hungry!  I need to feel hunger again.  I am currently snacking too much to really feel it!  I will keep a yogurt or a tangerine around to curb a hunger pain, but I don't need eight different snacks to choose from!

My workouts have been lacking for the past week, but I'm not worried about that.  It was a stressful week and I went away for the weekend to visit a friend and made a choice not to pack my gym stuff.  The nice thing is, that I made a very difficult decision last week.  A decision that will result in a LOT less stress in my life (which I think might have also been contributing to my weight retention.  Stress is NOT good for losing weight!)  Plus, this barrier was causing me to start to morph back into a much less happy version of myself.  This version was bitchy and unhappy.  I don't like that version of myself.  But, I'm MUCH happier after I made this decision and that is also helping me to refocus and find my BALANCE again!

See, that's the other thing I realized during my hiatus.  I looked down at my tattoo (did I ever mention on here that I got a tattoo before tour?  I got a set of scales on my left wrist as a reminder to stay balanced... guess I need to look at it more often!) and it hit me that I'm all out of whack.  So, beginning this week, the balance shall be restored.

Meet Maia 2.1.  She's the even newer and better version.  Maia 2.0 was awesome, but she still had some flaws, so the kinks are being improved upon and expect to see the even shinier and newer Maia coming soon to a theater town near you.  :)

Nothing New To Report

Same weight...  Same frustration.

I am exercising, but I can't seem to get my eating under control.  Yada, yada, yada... Same ol', same ol'...

Getting really frustrated with myself.  I was SO CLOSE to such an amazing goal and then I had to screw it up.  Really don't see a lot of my goals happening now, or if they do not for a long, long, LONG time!  I'm really upset about it.

I was thinking about it and I lose 40 pounds in 5 months when I first started this thing.  And over the course of the past 10 months?  Only 25 more.  That's not okay in my book.  Yes, I still lost, but not nearly what I should have.

I know I sound like a broken record but I REALLY need to get back on track and I just can't seem to do it!!

Ugh.

Weigh In: 11/5/11

Well, I only lost half a pound from last week so that says to me that it definitely wasn't water retention that caused the weight gain last week!  It was poor choices...

I've been really great about exercise this week (including Bikram yoga!) but I am still obviously off in terms of my eating.  I know the bad choices as I make them, I am just not stopping myself from making them.  That's kind of a big deal...  Hello self restraint?  Where have you gone?  Why have you forsaken me?

Time to man up and start making difficult choices again.  Like to stop eating after 9 PM.  Like to get a side salad instead of fries.  Like to walk by the bucket of candy in the Stage Manager's office and not grab a handful.

Come on Maia.   You can do this.  Get back on track!!

Bikram Yoga Adventures

The other night in the office, a co-worker asked me if I wanted to venture to a Bikram Yoga (hot yoga) class with her.  Having only attempted Bikram once before in my life, and it was on the hottest day of the year and I was about 70 pounds heavier, I decided that I should give it another shot.

We signed up online for the class to ensure our spots and also I did it so I knew I couldn't back out of it.  If I had already paid for it, I would definitely go.  The next morning we walked to the studio which was about 20 minutes away and I proceeded to get more and more nervous as the walk continued.  I knew that I wouldn't be judged for not being able to do every pose full out, but more I was nervous about what this was going tell me about myself and my journey thus far.  I was setting a certain expectation on myself on being able to achieve more in this class than I had in the one several years before and while I was pretty sure that I would do better this time, the thought still crossed my mind that maybe I wouldn't...

As we got to the studio we were greeted by two very nice guys behind the counter, one of which was going to be the instructor.  He recognized my name immediately when I signed in and he proceeded to walk me through the basic breathing as I signed the release form.  I had my ankle surgery in between the first class and yesterday and it didn't dawn on me that it might affect my ability to do some of the poses.  It did end up affecting me.

After signing in my co-worker and I went into the room to kind of adjust to the temperature and just get into the mind set for class.  It was definitely warm but I didn't feel uncomfortable like I usually do when I get hot.  Oh, I also dressed more appropriately for Bikram this time than I did the last time.  Last time I didn't know that it was a hot yoga class and I had on sweatpants!  BAD mistake!  This time I had on my capri running tights and a Nike workout top, both made from material whose purpose is to wick away moisture from the body.  Every little bit helps, right??

Okay, here's the first sign that I knew yoga might not be for me...  The yoga instructor came into the room and I almost immediately burst out laughing.  Because guys tend to not wear shirts during Bikram, the instructor came in wearing shorts and nothing else but that's not what made me laugh.  It was the fact that they were CHEETAH print shorts that basically looked like boxers that almost made me snort.  I purposefully didn't make eye contact with my friend because I knew she noticed the same thing.  Judgement over what people are wearing does not a Yogi make...

Once class began and we got to work on the standing poses I felt pretty good.  Sweat almost immediately start poring from my body but I didn't mind at first.  I had a little bit of a struggle with some of the balancing poses, especially on my right ankle, but I knew that those were things that would come if I continued to practice.  I only sat down to catch my breath once and I felt good about that.  I was pushing myself, but not outside of my limits.  I noticed that people who were obvious frequent class attendees also sat occasionally so I didn't feel like a failure (like I did in the previous class.)

Actually it wasn't really until we got to some of the sitting poses, surprisingly enough, that I had some struggle.  He did an entire series of moves that required me to sit on my ankles and I just couldn't do it.  It actually really hurt my right ankle to sit on it, so I just sat and continued breathing and joined in when I thought I could.

The last series of exercises were a bit tough as well, but that was honestly because of how the instructor had us execute them.  There was a lot of spinning around and sitting up and laying back down and it kind of made me dizzy.  So, after about 15 minutes of spinning, sitting up and laying down I finally just stayed laying down for a couple of them.  Those I was a little bit frustrated I couldn't continue, but oh well...  The other sign that I knew that Bikram wasn't for me?  Half of the time that we were on the floor, especially laying face downwards, all I could think about was how the carpet needed to be cleaned because  it smelled like stale sweat.  Not exactly a smell you want to be sticking you face into...  Yuck.

All in all, I think I did much better than the other Bikram class I had attended.  The instructor told me my goal was just to stay in the room which I most definitely did.  I also did MUCH better with my breathing during this class than I had previously.  I think that has to do with the fact that my body is used to exercise now though so I'm not forcing myself to remember to breath through a stretch.  It just naturally does it now.  I did feel very detoxed and refreshed after the class I will admit, but I still don't think Bikram is for me.  Could I continue to do yoga on a regular basis?  Yes, I do believe I could.  But, I don't think Bikram is the right fit.  At least I tried though, right?

Oh hello tour pounds, there you are!!

Um, yeah... So remember how last week I posted a really great number?  That won't be happening this week.

Why?

Because this week I seriously ate crap and barely got to the gym.  What was the result?

I'm up 8 pounds from last week. 

Yup, you heard that right.  I am kind of disgusted with myself.  I'm kind of hoping that some of it is water weight because of all the salty crap that I've been eating but I'm not going to count on it.  Instead I'm going to mentally slap myself across the face, stop eating crap and get my ass back to the gym.

Today started my mental reboot and so far, so good.  I went to the hotel gym and put in over an hour, doing both aerobic and strengthening exercises.  I pushed myself and it felt great.  I upped my weights, I added time to the elliptical and afterwards I felt like I had accomplished something.  The interesting thing?  I felt guilty for not doing more.  Like, I think I must have weight gain guilt because I felt like I almost needed to punish myself by doing more at the gym.  Has anyone else experienced this?  Like it wasn't necessarily a positive, motivational feeling...  It was a "it's your fault you're in this predicament and now you must pay for it..." feeling.  Like I felt bad for not doing a full hour on the elliptical.  Hmmm, maybe I should look more into this.

Anyway, I plan on eating better today than yesterday and that's what I need to remember.  I just need to keep in my head the idea of "How can I make today better than yesterday?"  With that thought constantly running through my brain I can't lose, right?

Here's hoping.

Weigh in: 10/22/11

Highest Weight:            310.0
Last Week Weight:       238.4
Current Weight:            235.0
Weight Lost:                     3.4

Total Weight Lost:          75.0


Well, I didn't make it out of the "obese" category yet, but I'm still EXTREMELY happy with where I am.

I JUST HIT 75 POUNDS LOST BABY!!!

I just need to be sure to keep this up throughout the tour and I will be WELL on my way to hitting my goal weight by my birthday of next year.  (200 by 6/13/12 y'all!)

We're entering our last weekend of Cleveland and I'm ready to move on.  I feel like we aren't technically on tour yet as we've only been to one city and we've been here for almost three weeks.  Time for our one week engagements where we barely have time to unpack before we are heading off into the great yonder again.

Yesterday was one of those days I think I'm going to look forward to the most while out on tour.  A bunch of us went to the "Christmas Story" house where they filmed the exteriors for the movie.  Then afterwards we went to a cute little cafe that was featured on that show "Diners, Drive-ins and Dives" on the Food Network.  The food was AMAZING and everything was made from scratch, even the bread and hot sauce!    I took some photos of Wembley while we were there, so keep an eye out for an update over there.  It was a day full of the random stuff that you could only find in Cleveland and I hope to find some more of those hidden, tucked away places as we begin to travel from town to town.  Things like the world's largest ball of twine or a cookie in the shape of Jesus...  Something that the town pride's itself on to put it on the map.

Anyway, the next time you hear from me I'll be in Rochester, NY.  'Till then!

Toot-a-loo!

Obese vs. Overweight

Hi all!

Well, 1+1 still equals 3 evidently!  I'm confused and still not understanding where this weight loss is coming from, but that lack of sense is leading up to potentially big news this week!  I know my official weigh-in won't be until Friday (one week from the one prior) but I may have already peeked at my numbers and my jaw just about hit the floor.

I guess it would be cruel if I kept you in suspense for too long, so I'll go ahead and say that it is a VERY real possibility that I might move out of the "obese" BMI category this week.  When I started this journey 13 months ago and tipped the scales at 310, I was at a startling 39.8 BMI (body mass index for anyone that's confused...)  Now anything over a 30 is considered obese, so being at almost a 40 meant that I was considered severely obese and just barely out of the morbidly obese category. 

Well, this morning at my unofficial weigh in, but current weight puts me at a 30.1 BMI.

SO CLOSE!

But the amazing thing is that I did the calculations and I'm just one pound away from being beneath a 30.

I must admit that I don't necessarily take the BMI chart too seriously.  I know that I'm healthier than probably a lot of people with BMI's in the overweight or hell, even the healthy weight range.  The chart doesn't really take into account muscle mass and considering my legs are quite heavily muscled right now, I know it's not quite accurate.  I've always just used it as another measurement of my success really.  I mean, because even at my goal weight I think I would be in the overweight category, albeit barely.

But even if I don't completely believe the BMI chart to be absolutely accurate I do have to say it will be nice to just be able to call myself "overweight."  Might not mean much to some people, but means a LOT to me!

Weigh in: 10/15/11

Highest Weight:                     310.0
Last Weight:                          238.2
Current Weight:                     238.4

Total Gain this week:                   .2
Total Weight Lost:                   71.6

Hi everyone!  I haven't forgotten about this blog, I've just been kind of (extremely!!!) busy here of late.  We've been in Cleveland for about a week and a half and have been at the theater almost non-stop.  We started performances here on Tuesday and had our official press opening on Thursday.  With that, there was a whole lot of the creative team in town (directors, designers, New York based management, press, etc.) and these are people that we won't be traveling with so there was a lot of our downtime spent with these people.  And by spending time with them, what does that entail in downtown Cleveland, Ohio? 

Eating and drinking.  A lot of drinking, more like...

I've had more alcohol in the past week and a half than I've probably had in the entire past year.  I've made some not so great choices.  I could most definitely be doing better. 

So, with all of these factors I am very happy to report that I've essentially maintained my weight loss for this week and a half.  I actually didn't have a scale and had to buy one.  I thought I could go without and just weigh myself when I came across one at whatever gym we are using in the various cities but it became apparent quite quickly that was not going to be the case.  I started freaking out about the potential weight gain after about 3 days and finally broke down and bought the scale a couple of days after that. 

Moving forward from here it's about making smarter choices.  Do I need that second drink?  Do I need those french fries?  Do I need to eat after the show?  The answer to all of these questions, is of course... NO.

Now comes the hard part: the execution of this decision.

Wish me luck!!

Weigh in Wednesday 10/5/11

Highest Weight:                310.0
Last Week's Weight:         240.6
Current Weight:                238.2

Current Weight Lost:            2.4
Total Weight Lost:              71.8

Wow, I'm not gonna lie!  I'm a bit surprised to see this loss!  This last week here in NYC has consisted of a few goodbye dinners, a few goodbye drinks, and just generally eating out more because I wasn't staying at my own house.  (My sublet started early, so I was staying with some wonderful and generous friends for the past week.  Thanks Stacia and Lloyd!)

I also didn't go to the gym as much as I had wanted to this last week purely because my time was pretty precious.  Finding time to do laundry was difficult so unfortunately the gym got pushed aside.

So, really when I look at this past week it looks more like a case of 1+1 = 3 because it doesn't really make sense!  Oh well, I won't question it, I suppose!

Today I leave NYC for my tour.  I can't really believe that the day is finally here.  I'm very excited and nervous to be starting this new journey but it has been hard to say goodbye to all of my wonderful friends here in the city.  For those of you who don't live in New York, it kind of is like Sex in the City in that your friends do become your family.  I have always been a person whose friends mean the world to her, but it took on an even deeper meaning once I moved here.

My life journey takes a new, interesting and challenging turn today and I have to face it like I have the other challenges its thrown my way.  I'm sure I'm going to stumble, but it's what I do after the stumble that will matter.  I still have 38.2 pounds to lose until I meet my goal and I plan on making it by next summer!!

I don't know when I'm going to be able to post again.  I have a feeling weigh ins won't be as scheduled as they are now, but I will be sure to keep you guys posted on my progress.  In the mean time, don't forget to check out Wembley's adventures.  He will post something later today!

See you soon Cleveland, Ohio!!

Weigh In Wednesday 9/28/11

Highest Weight:                   310.0
Last Week Weight:              241.0
This Week Weight:              240.6

Current Weight Lost:                 .4
Total Weight Lost:                 69.4

It's not the number I was hoping for, but considering that I'm moving today and have been super stressed about it, I'll take it. 

I haven't been able to work out as much as I have the past few weeks and I ate out a few more times than usual.  Today is my last day in my apartment though and I am staying the next week at a friend's apartment.  I'm hoping that I am able to lose a couple more pounds before I leave for Cleveland next Wednesday, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to.  If I can at least maintain, then I will feel like I've accomplished something.

Can't post anymore, I have to get ready for the movers.  They are scheduled to be here soon.

Ah!!

Weigh In Wednesday: 9/21/11

Highest Weight:               310.0
Last Week's Weight:       242.8
Current Weight:               241.0

Weight Lost this Week:       1.8
Total Weight Lost:             69.0

Yay!  I've recorded a loss two weeks in a row!  This hasn't happened in a while unfortunately.  I was actually hoping that I would hit at least a two pound loss this week, but I'll take the 1.8.

I'm feeling pretty confident that I'm going to continue posting losses for a while.  I feel my will power is back.  Like I mentioned in my last post, I'm wanting to exercise all the time!  I've been the gym the past three nights and I'm hoping to go again tonight.  I'm also noticing that my ability to say no to bad foods is back.  I walk through the aisles of the drug store and I'm able to look at the chocolate or salty goodness and say "No...That's not what you need."  That's getting even harder with the Halloween candy season rapidly approaching...

I'm going to miss working out with a trainer.  Tashon has been great and even though we had a bit of a spat last night (the first and only one we've had and it was because he kept describing a certain squat routine differently everytime.  Yes, you did too!) he really knows how to push me, to work around my injuries and motivate me!  I really do feel myself getting stronger.

I don't want to lose that while I'm out on the road.  My boss mentioned wanting to get a few training sessions for a bit of our time in Cleveland and asked me if I wanted to go in on it with him, which I'm stoked about.  I'm not going to be in most places long enough to get training sessions, but I really should try and do this for all the cities we are in for two weeks or more.

Anyway, back to working hard!  Have a great day everyone and do one thing today to make you sweat!

Venturing into the Unknown

This past weekend I finally had had enough of wearing t-shirts from Old Navy and decided to do something about it!  I grabbed my go-to shopping buddy, Katie, and we headed down to 34th Street (*shudder*) to Macy's.

I used to be deathly afraid of the Macy's on 34th because I would walk in and immediately get claustrophobic from all the insane crowds of people swarming and trying to take each other out over a sweater.  But Katie taught me about the Women's department up on the 7th floor and once I get up there I can breathe a lot easier.

This latest shopping trip was quite an eye opener.  I've shopped in the Women's department in stores since my senior year of high school.  This department has come a long way since then, let me tell you.  Back then all you could usually find was marm-ish type clothes that looked like they belonged on 75+ year old women.  Now, you have designer labels like Calvin Klein, DKNY, and Michael Kors all with plus size lines.  It's made dressing trendy for a "bigger" gal a whole lot easier.

Well, this shopping trip I discovered that I really don't belong shopping there anymore.  The smallest some lines come is a 1X and those are all just too big on me.  Sometimes a line will have a 0X (which is more like an XL or L in the Ladies department) and those will sometimes work on me, but finding 0X's up there was like finding a needle in a haystack.

So, I took a ton of clothes to the dressing room and probably ended up pissing off the people that work there because I certainly didn't walk away with as much as I think they were hoping (although I did spend quite a bit.)  Basically I was looking for some nice fall pieces that could transition into winter as well.  Since we aren't going to really have a horrible winter out on the road (with the exception of being in Michigan during February! BRRRRR!) I thought that some half length sleeves and some light sweaters or cardigans could fit the bill.  Anyway, after being disappointed that I didn't find much that fit me, it was also nice to realize that its because I've shrunken out of that department completely now.  I knew the day was coming, but I was still holding onto the familiar.  I was scared to let it go because I was literally afraid of the unknown and uncharted territory of the other floors.  But, there really isn't much of a point of me even going up there anymore.

On the way out, Katie and I decided to stop by the Ladies department to see if this particular Ralph Lauren dress was in that department (it was!) and I tried it on.  Everything about the XL dress looked better on me than the 1X dress that I had tried on upstairs.  It even made me feel better!

One of my new looks.

Today I wore one of the dresses (size 14!) to the office and I passed by a mirror.  My jaw actually dropped when I saw my waistline.  I've been hovering around the same size/weight for a while now and I think the work with the trainer is indeed paying off.  My stomach looks a little flatter, my arms are showing definition and my legs are looking more toned.  Again, this might be all in my head, or the changes might insignificant so that no one else notices them but me...  But I've discovered something else about my working out with the trainer is that I've become almost obsessed with working out now.  I went to the gym five days last week (the most I've been in a LONG time) and the only reason I didn't go on Friday was because my knee was acting up and needed a day of rest.  And that rest day?  All I wanted to do was at least take a walk, a jog, or something!  This is a great feeling to go into the tour with, I believe.

So even though I know I have asked this before (I wasn't really ready to move on before and I am truly being forced to now) where should I shop?  I know about the classics like Macys, Old Navy, the Gap, blah, blah blah... But where else?  I'm sitting at an L/XL 14/16 now (pretty much a 14).  I am going to be purchasing new items off while out on the road as well, so chains are probably going to be preferable.  But, if you have a great place in your town that you think I should try while I'm there, let me know about those too!!

I'm really excited about this week's weigh-in.  I think it should be a successful one!!

Weigh In Wednesday: 9/14/11

Highest Weight:      310.0
Last Weigh in:         244.4 (weighed but didn't blog about it)
Current Weight:      242.8

Current Loss:            1.6
Total Lost:             67.2

Sorry for being radio silent for basically two weeks!  It's been a bit crazy in my life!  I did weigh in last week and it was a gain, which I wasn't too happy about.  I've REALLY been struggling this summer to maintain a weight loss trend.  I've been kinda doing everything but not really committing to it.  Like I've been going to the gym, but could have done more and worked harder while I was there.  I was eating okay but made a lot more bad choices than I should have.  I was making excuses as to why I would allow myself something extra.  I need another reboot!  I've still managed to lose some weight, but it's really just the same five pounds that I keep losing and gaining back.  I tried on a pair size 14 jeans at the store the other day and I'm soclose to fitting into them.  Like, I would say 10-15 pounds.  If I fit into those jeans it would be the smallest I've been since at least 8th grade.  I want that.  And in order to get that, I NEED to get my head on straight.

To help with getting my head straight, I've enlisted the help of a trainer.  I mentioned him last time I believe and I've had a couple of sessions with him since then.  Tonight is my third official session.  I can already feel myself getting stronger and maybe some of this might be in my head, but I think I am already seeing a difference in a couple of places.  I bought a total of 8 sessions to use before I leave so I'm thinking I should be in pretty good shape by the time I depart.

I am still holding strong to my goal of reaching 235 before I leave.  I just need to push it until I don't think I can give anymore and then?  Give a little more...  I started incorporating some of the weights and strength training after my cardio routine and it felt good!  Shows I'm learning from what the trainer is doing, not just blindly following along.  Although I think I might ask him to kind of make me a little packet of exercises for before I leave so that I can change it up and not just do the same things over and over.

Alright, that's all I have for now.  Preparing for life on the road is insanity right now.  I'm hoping to accomplish a lot this weekend so that I can execute it all next week.  I have about 3 weeks left here in NYC.  I'm starting to get a bit nostalgic...  *sniff, sniff*

I Wanna Get Physical, Let's Get Into Physical!

So I had my "fitness test" at the gym with a personal trainer.  I liked him.  He was personable and professional, seemed like he knew what he was talking about, would push me but would also listen if I was pushed beyond my means (the one other time I had a few training sessions, this was not the case...).

We started off by me filling out the paperwork, listing my goals and him getting my stats.  I found out my body fat percentage (37.2%, higher than I wanted but wasn't too surprised.  Just glad I didn't know what it was when I was 70 pounds heavier!  YIKES!) and took my blood pressure.  Um, that was really high too and I was NONE too pleased about that!  I need to keep an eye on that...  Then we were off to the floor!

He started me off with some circuit training.  He wanted to get my heart rate up and see how fast I recovered.  We did a lot of abs, but he mixed it up with some great arm and leg exercises too.  Never once did I feel like I couldn't do something.  If he saw I was really struggling, he would modify.  He did seem impressed with a few of the leg exercises I did, so it just proved my theory that I've developed my muscles in my legs while unfortunately neglecting everything else.  I'm looking at you abs...

When we finished my arms were quivering and I could feel the burn in my thighs.  Needless to say, I wanted to sign up immediately!

When we sat down I told him my situation.  I said that I was getting ready to leave in October for a year and that I was looking to buy a chunk of training session before I left because I know that strength training is what I need to start incorporating into my routine.  Cardio I have a good handle on, but I really need to start focusing on strength.  I said I wanted someone to kick my butt but also teach me so that I could go out on my own and feel like I have a handle on things.

I think he was a little disappointed I wasn't looking to become a long term client, but was at least happy that I was going to sign up for a good chunk of sessions.  So, I signed up for 8 sessions to be completed before I leave on October 5th.  I'm REALLY looking forward to them and he seems excited by the challenge.

All in all, a very good night at the gym.

Also on the "physical" note, I scheduled a physical exam with my doctor for next week.  I want to get my blood work done and officially get my blood pressure reading.  (I don't know if I really trust that machine at the gym...)  Slowly but surely I'm getting stuff done!  Phew!

Wembley has created his own blog everyone!  Perfect place to follow him on his journey!

wembleystravels.blogspot.com

It's going to have lots of pics and stories from life on the road!  But first, he will walk everyone through the adventure of preparing to leave NYC for a year!

Stay tuned for his posts!!

Musings of The New Maia: Year Two

Random Ramblings Ahead:

Well, I survived Hurricane Irene!  At first I was one of the self absorbed New Yorkers who was disappointed and actually wanted the hurricane to bring with it more "oomph" I suppose, but then I saw the havoc it wreaked on the folks on Long Island, New Jersey and Vermont and I changed my attitude.  I was glad that we were so well prepared.  You know us New Yorkers, we gotta complain about something!  If the city had prepared less, people would have complained.  As it is, people complained about the amount of preparation the city took saying that it was overzealous and I have to say I'm okay with it.  The motto of this hurricane was "better safe than sorry."  And I'm safe, so I'm definitely not sorry.

My one year Fativersary has come and gone and brought with it a renewed sense of determination.  I realized that I have a little over a month before I leave New York for the road (with Million Dollar Quartet, in case you missed the memo...:) and since I didn't hit my one year goal of weighing 235, I would like to make it my goal before I leave the city.  I'm going to have to work extraordinarily hard to do it, but I just need to push myself.  Get myself out of the comfort zone! 

Demon spawn that wants to tempt me

Tonight at the gym I was approached by a trainer as I checked in.  He asked me if I had had a fitness test yet.  I know that he was just looking to hopefully score some new clients, but he happened to hit me at the perfect time.  As I walked to the gym tonight I was lamenting the state of my stomach.  I had looked in the mirror before I left and while I admire the shape that my legs have achieved, I really have a lot of work to do on my hips/butt/stomach area.  I was debating whether or not to take some personal training sessions before I left on the road so that I knew what to do when I was left to my own devices.  So, I signed up for my fitness test and I'm not going to lie, I'm a little nervous!  I mean, yes...  I know that I have come leaps and bounds from where I was a year ago but aside from my weight I haven't really officially measured where I am at physically.  Yes, I can run now and I know that my stamina is sky high compared to a year ago, but what "official" fitness type things is he going to measure?  Guess I'll just have to find out!  Maybe I should get a full medical work up before I go...  Might be a good idea for me to have a clear picture of my health before I start to battle the temptations that life on the road will surely bring.  That's right, I'm looking at you Chik-Fil-A!  Damn you and your waffle fries...  But seriously, all of these things are definitely things I should know and honestly should have found out before now.  Ugh, just another thing to add to my To-Do List!

Say "Hi" to your adoring fans Wembley!

So, speaking of my life on the road, I have decided that in addition to making this blog fitness related I'm also going to be sharing my adventures from the various cities I'm visiting.  I'm going to call it "Where in the World is Wembley?"  Random name, you might be thinking...  However, I have a plan!  I have a stuffed animal from Fraggle Rock named Wembley.  I'm going to be taking him out on tour with me and taking pictures of him (and possibly myself) in various places in each city I visit.  So keep on the lookout for Wembley anywhere from  the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, to the Space Needle in Seattle!  He's coming soon to a city near you!

Alright, I really should head to bed.  My current show closing on Broadway this week and I've already started working on my tour gig, which leaves me a busy, busy bee!  Add in working out and occasionally working on my graduate thesis and I'm exhausted!  I'm going to have to type up my full To-Do list for you in an upcoming post.  It's quite daunting!  Yikes...

Anyway, say "Goodnight!" Wembley!

Goodnight!

My Fativersary: My Life a Year Later

Weight on August 27, 2010:        310.0 pounds
Weight on August 27, 2011:        242.8 pounds

Weight Lost in One Year:               67.2 pounds

Yes, I am up from my last weigh-in, but I'm not going to dwell on that, because I know what factors contributed to it.  I also know that it is just a temporary glitch and I will be back in the 230s again soon.

I'm here to focus on my journey over the course of the past year.  Where my life was, and what I am now.

Then?  I was lost.  Now?  I am found.  (Lame, but true.)

Then?  I was sad.  Now?  I am happy!

Then?  I was unemployed.  Now?  I'm getting ready to start a new adventure with a job and boss that I adore!

Then?  I had no hope.  Now?  I see and feel hope everyday.  Because as the quote from one of my favorite movies says:

"Hope is a good thing.  Maybe the best of things, and no good things ever die."

Find your hope.

No Weigh In Today

After my crappy weekend, and other factors going into today I decided that I don't really want to see the number on that scale today.  But, I'm going to hit the "restart" button and hopefully next week will see a decent number again.

I just feel "blah" today and I don't need the number on the scale to make me feel any worse.

Until then my friends...

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can...

Okay, so I just have to talk about my last couple of days...

These past few days have been some of the most stressful in my entire life.

First of all, this week and next week my boss is on vacation.  This hasn't been all that stressful but more along the lines of time consuming.  I'm covering the majority of shows at night, so I'm getting home later than usual, which in turn is affecting my gym time.  I made the decision that in order for me to have my evenings to work on my thesis that I was going to need to become a morning work out person, but unfortunately this has not proven to be the case thus far.  I set my alarm early and I just hit the snooze button until its the normal time that I get up.  FAIL.

Here's the most stressful part...  My roommate and I currently live in a three bedroom apartment and had found someone to sublet our third bedroom starting September 1st, only this past Friday (the day before she was scheduled to give us her deposit and sign the agreement, mind you!) she backed out, leaving us a mere two and a half weeks to find someone for September.  This immediately scared the bejeezus out of me because I can't afford to pay half the rent should we not find someone!  Well, so I posted our apartment on Craigslist and the flood of responses came in.  I felt better because it said to me that we wouldn't have a problem finding someone, however it meant that it was going to take a massive amount of time to respond to the viable choices and arrange a meeting time, and then meet with them all.  This was time that I had planned to work on my thesis (we'll get to that in a second...), grocery shop (Because I was down to eating the emergency food, aka the cans of soup you have around in case you get sick...) and doing laundry (because I was left with either my scuzzy "only while doing laundry" t-shirts, or dressing up). 

I had to go to the theater yesterday for my matinee, stop by the office for a bit and then I headed home so that I could run my laundry down the street to the laundromat before they closed (because our laundromat doesn't stay open past 7PM.  It SUCKS!).  In the meantime, I had to reschedule a phone call for my thesis with a friend of mine because I didn't want to discuss this sensitive material in the midst of the shouting match between the two Chinese women who own/run the laundromat.  I figured I needed to give the conversation a bit more respect than that...  Luckily my friend Michael (THANK YOU AGAIN MICHAEL!!) was very understanding and I just got off the phone with him. 

In the meantime, I was still stressing about the apartment situation because now I'm basically having to look for two different people for the apartment.  One for September and then one to take over my room starting in October.  I was stressing out about it so much that I gave myself a killer migraine.  So, what did I do last night to make myself feel better about the whole situation and try and make my migraine seem less painful?  I ate.  I ate crap.  And the result?  As of today I'm 5 pounds heavier than I was on Wednesday.  I know, I shouldn't have weighed myself, but I really wanted to get an idea of what damage I had done.  Hopefully some of it is water weight from the copious amounts of sodium I inhaled, and some of it might be water weight because it's time for my monthly visitor...  But mostly its the result of my bad decisions.  Did that food taste good?  Yes.  Did it solve my problems?  No.  Do I feel better about my problems because of the food?  No.

I also haven't been to the gym in the past four days because of my insane schedule, but that will stop today.  Today I actually have the day off, and even though I have four appointments to show the apartment tonight and I have to work on my thesis, I am demanding that I go to the gym for an hour and work off the nastiness of yesterday.  My head is no longer throbbing (it was so bad it made me nauseous which has NEVER happened before) and I want to get my sweat on.  An hour of cardio sounds like heaven to me right now.  Honestly, what I really want to do is go for a swim but that will have to wait until later in the week unfortunately.  I haven't been in a while and I have been having a craving.  That's actually something I'm really looking forward to on the road.  Most of my hotels (I'm assuming) are going to have a pool that I can swim in easily.

I'm making the vow to you and myself now: this week will be better.  I went grocery shopping (in VERY sucky weather I might add) so I have no excuses to not eat properly.  I will have shown the apartment to probably 10-15 people by the end of tomorrow and we've already offered it to someone.  Hopefully by the end of the day tomorrow, this will be resolved as well.  That just takes me back to where I was before Friday in trying to balance work, exercise and my thesis.  But, balance is key for me.  I can do all three, I just need to make time for them all. 

I can do it. 

I can do it.

I can do it.

Weigh-In Wednesday: 8/10/11

Highest Weight:          310.0
Last Week Weight:      242.0
Current Weight:          239.8

This Week's Loss:          2.2

Total Weight Lost:       70.2

Words cannot describe my excitement about finally seeing the 230s!  I can't believe that I have lost 70 pounds in almost a year!  That's ridiculous!  This from a girl who never lost anything more than 15 pounds in her life prior to this!  I thought I was doomed to stay big for the rest of my life, and then I realized that I was in control of my own destiny and got my fat ass off the couch and went for a walk! (okay, that was a lot of exclamation points, but I don't care.  I'm excited, can't you tell???)

This week was a decent one.  I stayed pretty much on point with my eating (I had a treat, here or there) and even if I didn't get as much formal exercise that I wanted (I think I went to the gym or for a run a total of 4 times) I did at least get my butt moving everyday.

I just need to make sure and keep my head focused.  I have two weeks until my Fativersary and I really want to hit my 75 pounds lost goal.  That right there might make my head explode from excitement!  After that I have a secret goal in mind that I will share with everyone once I hit it.  It won't be too long after my 75 pound goal, but I don't want to share it until I hit it.  It would be a MAJOR achievement for me so I am keeping it to myself until then.

I want to thank everyone for their kind words over my new job by the way, and the encouragement that everyone has for me.  I have a feeling this blog will change drastically while I am out on the road and I hope that you all will enjoy it.  You'll be touring the country with me!  Get to see what I see in all of the exciting (and not so exciting) cities that I will visit.  I might actually start to talk more about what I'm specifically eating, since I have a feeling I'm going to have to get creative while out on the road.

We shall see!

So long NYC! Hello good ol' USA! (and Asia too!)

Well, I can finally tell my faithful few who read this blog on a regular basis about my exciting (and slightly nerve wracking) news!

Unfortunately my current Broadway show will be playing its last performance on Sunday, September 4th.  It's always sad when a show closes.  You have to say goodbye to so many people that have been a part of your everyday life.  Because you are hired for that specific show, you also have to look for another job.  That's the thing about theater...  it's a fickle, fickle beast.  It comes and goes in a blink of an eye.  Some people may get lucky and get to work on a show like Phantom of the Opera, Wicked or the newest huge hit Book of Mormon, but these shows are few and far between.  Only 20% of Broadway shows return their investments.  Mine was, once again, in that other 80%.

However, unlike last time my show closed, I already have a new job!  I will be touring the country (and Tokyo too!) with the national tour of Million Dollar Quartet!

I am incredibly fortunate that I will have a seamless transition without a break in between.  Granted I would have liked a week or two off so that I could pound out my thesis for my MFA, however considering I am blessed with work, I won't complain...

I'm really excited because working on a national tour has ALWAYS been a goal of mine.  It was how I was introduced to and fell in love with theater.  I felt like I owed it to the touring industry to repay the favor.  Not to mention, I get to see this beautiful country of ours (and Canada and Japan) on someone else's dime.  Yes, please.

I must admit though that I am having some mixed emotions about leaving.  There are so many emotions swirling inside of me that I don't really know which one will be the most prevalent at any given time. 

So, what are the things that are clouding my brain and putting a damper on my excitement?  Well the first is the aforementioned graduate thesis.  I have procrastinated as long as possible on this and I am now on my final year of eligibility to write it.  If I want that (very expensive) piece of paper this coming May, the time has come for me to stop with the procrastination and put words on 50 pages of paper.  I have told my advisor that I will have a first draft to him by October 1st (around the time we depart for our first tour destination: Cleveland).  So, the wheels are in motion for me to make this nuisance a thing of the past.  But, that still doesn't mean it doesn't make me incredibly nervous and anxious about the whole process...

The other major thing that is worrying me?  Keeping up with my current healthy lifestyle.  I know what my habits have been on trips before and I always saw it as an excuse to not exercise (I never exercised while NOT on a trip either though...) and to eat incredibly poorly (again, not that different from the ordinary.)  However,  those were always vacations.  This is not a vacation.  Not by any means.  Yes I will get the opportunity to visit some GREAT locations, but it's not all fun and games...work has to be involved too!  So, I need to think of it more as my regular life, just in different locations.  Granted, my diet is what is going to be challenged the most.  Exercise I won't have a problem getting at all with the fact that every hotel has a gym.  But I won't have a kitchen...  I've been cooking most of my meals every day for the last year.  With that taken away from my and the many, many, many temptations of fast food that will be in its place, will I be able to continue to shed the necessary weight for me to hit my goal?  I certainly hope so!  I guess time will tell.

I have given myself a time frame for when I would like to hit my goal weight.  I previously have said that I just want to hit it.  Period.  Now, I have a specific date by which I would like to see the number 200 staring back at me on the scale.  That is my graduation from Columbia University next May. 2012.  I want the pictures of me in my sky blue cap and gown to be of me at my goal weight.  I think its achievable.  That's about 40 more pounds in ten months.  I can do it.  I know I can.

But first?  I need to get out of these dreaded 240s.  I'm tired of seeing them!  Tomorrow, I run.

For those of you who read this blog from afar, please look and see if the MDQ tour will be stopping nearby your town.  I would love to meet bloggers in real life! 

Until then, keep fighting the good fight!

Weigh-In Wednesday: 8/3/11

Highest Weight:      310.0
Last Weight:           245.4
Today's Weight:      242.0

This Week's Loss:       3.4

Total Weight Lost:    68.0

I'm very happy with this, of course!  I think there are two reasons for it.  One, I think the previous week's weight gain was a lot of water weight from the salty goodness I had indulged in the prior weekend.  I also did really well this week in terms of both diet and exercise.  I still could have done better, but I did manage to get my butt moving the majority of days (even if it wasn't an official run or a trip to the gym) and I only had one day where I really ate "horribly" and that was two slices of cheese pizza.  Not really that horrible in the grand scheme of things.

I have 25 days until my Fativersary.  I have decided that I would love to be 235 by that day, for an even 75 pounds lost.  It's totally doable.  It's a little over three weeks to lose 7 pounds.  I just need to keep my mind on the goal and it will absolutely happen for me.  Even if I don't officially hit it, I will at least know that I worked hard.

The Day I Mooned Central Park...

Tonight's post will be much happier than last night's.  Promise.

So tonight, after having been kind of called out on facebook for having not run in a while, I decided to go for a decent length run.  I was going to try for my 4 mile loop around Central Park.  After the half way point (where the hills start to go up instead of down) I didn't think my legs were going to make it the whole four miles.  I decided to cut out the upper loop and cut through the Reservoir instead.  It cut about a 1/2 mile from my run, which my legs thanked me greatly for. 

Not too shabby a view, right?

This was the first time I've run the Reservoir since probably November and it made me a bit nostalgic.  The Reservoir was where I started my journey 11 months ago.  One sunny Saturday afternoon I decided to restart my life and did so with a simple loop around the water.  The Reservoir was where I learned how to run.  It's where I learned that I was capable of so much more than I ever thought possible.

It's also where I mooned Central Park...

Yes, you read that right. 

Last fall, during my time of unemployment, I would take my daily walks around the Reservoir usually around 2-3 PM.  I had gotten into the habit of doing it daily and I really hated to break up my routine because I was still in that phase that if I took one day off, I was afraid that I wouldn't get back into it.  Well, this one afternoon it had been raining all day.  I was really anxious about getting out there and walking and so I finally decided that it looked like it was letting up enough for me to just go for it.  I had a light raincoat/windbreaker and headed out.  At this point my exercise attire consisted of old t-shirts and yoga pants (because they were all I could find that were long enough for me).  The yoga pants had started to feel a bit loose, but I didn't think anything of it. 

After my first lap of the Reservoir the rain had ceased and I was starting to get a bit hot in my rain coat, so I took it off and tied it around my waist.  About half way through that second lap, I started to feel a bit cooler.  I didn't quite realize why until a moment later...  My pants had sagged to beneath my butt.  Good thing the park was essentially empty still because of the earlier rain, or they would have gotten quite a sight!!  I quickly pulled up my pants, tied the side of them in a quick knot (there were no drawstrings) and laughed my head off. 

I assumed it was the double whammy of my loose, slightly wet pants combined with the added weight of the coat around my waist that pushed the pants down.  Can't really be sure.  All I know is that it was drafty.

Now a days my exercise attire consists of items I never thought I would own in my entire life.  I ONLY work out in running tights now.  The compression of them and the moisture wicking material they are made from make every work out heavenly.  I still work out in old t-shirts, but I prefer tech shirts (just don't own enough of them yet to wear them all the time...) again for their moisture wicking abilities.  I own as many sports bras as I do regular bras!  I own special running socks!  I never in a million years would have thought I would ever spend as much as I did for my current pair of running shoes...

But you know what?

While I have spent money on all this special running gear, at least I don't have to worry about mooning Central Park while wearing it.

I figure I did that once in my life and that's probably enough. 

Although my butt is cuter now.

Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words still really hurt me

Be forewarned: Huge pity party and massive amounts of self loathing ahead!


I've lost 66 pounds in the past 11 months but I'll always be a "big girl."  I'm 6'2" and there is nothing I can do about that.  My body type will never allow me to be super skinny, I'm always going to have curves, a booty and a chest.  It's just the way it is.  I've accepted this fact.  I look better than I have in at least a decade.

So, why is it when a complete stranger calls me a "big girl" I get my feathers ruffled?  Sometimes its meant as an insult (like it was today) and sometimes its by a sleazy guy on the subway trying to hit on me.  The latter, I'm assuming, means it as a compliment.  But used in either context I get upset.  It's when I'm called a "big girl" that I'm reminded of how much weight I still have to lose...

I understand that a lot of the "big girl" connotation comes from my height and that is what upsets me the most.  Unfortunately it was the way I was made.  People always tell me that they wish they could be as tall as me.  I get it from at least one stranger a day, and I always always tell them that no...they don't.  They want to be tall, but they don't want to be as tall as me.  They don't realize that when you are as tall as me you can never find pants that are long enough, that you can't wear button down shirts because the arms and torso lengths aren't long enough, that you don't fit into airplane seats without being in severe pain, that you have to duck to fit beneath shower heads in most hotels, that you sometimes have to duck through doorways (and sometimes don't duck enough and hit your head painfully hard), that people will blatantly stare at you on the street as if you are a circus freak, and the worst thing that they don't tell you is that your dating life will suffer.  (This is more for the girls wanting to be my height I guess.)

It's been my entire life of thinking that there was something wrong with me because I was never looked at as "more than a friend."  My.  Entire.  Life.  I mean, I was 6 feet tall by the time I was 13.

This has given me so many complexes over the years.  Its why I thought I was ugly.  It's why I drowned my sorrows in food and therefore gained massive amounts of weight.  It's not my fault I am tall, but yet I suffer because of it every day.  If there was anything I could do in this world to make me shorter, I would do it in a heartbeat.

Being tall has made my life insanely difficult and I'm tired of it.  I'm tired of having something I can do nothing to control be the bane of my existence.  I can change my weight.  I can change my hairstyle and color.  I can change the clothes I wear, but I can't change the fact that I'm 6'2" flat footed.  I thought I had gotten past hating my height, but its obvious that I haven't.  I wish this didn't cause me so much pain.  I know people are just going to tell me to "love myself for who I am..." etc, etc, etc but I'm finding that incredibly hard to do today.

I just need to face the facts that I'm going to die alone.  I've lived the past 30 years of my life alone, what's another 40-50, right?

Weigh-In Wednesday: 7/27/11

Highest Weight: 310.0
Last Weight: 243.8
Current Weight: 245.4

Weight Gain: 1.6

Total Weight Lost: 64.6

I am not happy about this, but I have no one to blame but myself.  My exercise has been pretty damn good, but my eating (especially over the weekend) was sodium-tastic.  I ate quite a number of things that are probably latching onto any and all water in my system.  I'm a salt freak.  I'm like a freakin' deer, give me a salt lick and I could be happy!  Salty goodness is my temptation, not the sweet stuff.  Oh tater tots, how you tempt me...

So, in my exercise news I have decided to kick up my work outs up a notch.  I realized that I'm not pushing myself as hard as I could.  I'm getting the time in, yes, and I'm burning calories but I am never sore any more. I always took my sore muscles as a battle scar.  As a sign that what I was doing was making me stronger.  I haven't had that in a while!  So, I'm going to be pushing myself to the point of exhaustion now.  I want to feel my body building muscle, not just going through the motions.

I have some potential news on the job front that could play a HUGE role in my weight loss journey.  Nothing is official yet, so I can't really talk about it.  But let's just say it has the potential to really throw a kink in everything.  It's going to throw my head for a loop and it will really test my resolve in staying healthy.  Once everything is settled and signed on the dotted line I will share, but until then I will be kicking as much butt as I can at the gym.

Here's to a happy, healthy week ahead!

Weigh-In Wednesday: 7/20/11

Highest Weight:    310.0
Last Weight:         244.4
Current Weight:   243.8

Weight Lost:        .6

Total Weight Lost:  66.2

Well, at least the scale moved in the right direction this week.  It should have been more, but I ate horribly at the beginning of the weigh-in week (Wednesday - Saturday).  But I mentally slapped myself and told myself to make better choices.  That was when my eating got better and I've kicked ass at the gym the past couple of days.

I really need to keep reminding myself that I'm constantly making choices and that I need to be making the right ones.  I have a goal to meet and by golly, I'm going to meet it.  My one year Fataversary is coming up in a little over a month.  I have a goal to be 235 by this date, for a total lost of 75 pounds.  It just seems like such a nice round number.  Come on Maia, you can do it!  Just set your mind to it!

I do pride myself in knowing that I've basically just maintained these past couple of weeks though.  Shows that when the time comes for me to stop focusing on losing weight and just simply maintaining that I'll be able to do it.  But, that's not what I should be doing right now.  I still have 45 pounds (at least) to lose and its time for it to go away!

I just need more days at the gym like this past Monday.  The air conditioning was out, but I worked out anyway.  It was 85 degrees outside at 10:30 PM and my old self would have turned right back out the door, but not this Maia!  She hopped on a stationary bike and pedaled for an hour.  Here is the resulting picure.  I'm pretty proud of her.  The sports bra outline is the original color of the shirt.  The rest is sweat.  Hot!

Weigh-In Wednesday: 7/13/11

Highest Weight:    310.0
Last Weight:         244.2
Current Weight:    244.4

Total Gain: .2

Total Weight Lost: 65.6

I was kind of hoping to just maintain my weight this week.  I kept on diet for the most part.  Had a turkey burger with tater tots (my FAVE!) on Saturday, but that was both my lunch and dinner.  The real killer of the diet came last night.  We had a sort of company dinner at a fantastic Italian restaurant in Times Square and the its served family style (large pass around plates to serve yourself.)  I could have made better decisions, but I could have made much worse ones.  I had multiple glasses of wine, and I usually only limit myself to one.  I had several types of pasta, and I never eat pasta anymore.  I ate red meat, which I've only eaten once in the past ten months.  I also had two mini cannolis for dessert.  But you know what?  Do I feel bad about it?  Not really.  My stomach wasn't enjoying the red meat at the end of the night, but in terms of feeling guilty about the calories?  Nope.  It was a special occasion, and I had a blast!  I love my co-workers and it was a fantastic night.

The thing I do sort of regret about this past week was my lack of exercise.  I only went to the gym once, and I walked home twice.  That's it for the week.  I did go to the beach again this past weekend, so I probably burned some calories walking the half mile in the sand and then getting pounded by the waves, but there's no way of really tracking those.  I probably should feel worse that I didn't exercise as much, but I kind of don't.  Why?  Because this week has been leading up to the biggest event of the summer, well for me at least...

HARRY POTTER!

I'm a Harry Potter fanatic.  I started a project about 8 weeks ago to reread all of the Harry Potter books (and hopefully rewatch all the films) before the new movie came out.  Well, I was coming down to the wire with the last book and just finished it Monday night.  Now I'm rewatching all of the movies, which I will be cutting it close on those as well.  Could I be exercising while watching the movies?  Yeah, probably... But I really want to savor this, so I'm not.  I know its a once in a lifetime thing that I'm doing and it's not throwing me off my course.  I fully intend to get back into my routine after I see the movie at midnight on Thursday.  But, until then I'm snuggled in my bed (when I'm not at work) and I'm enjoying the adventures of Ron, Hermione and Harry.

Expecto Patronum.

Weapons of Fat Destruction

When people find out how much weight I've lost, one of the first questions tends to be "how did you do it?"  My answer is always "The good ol' fashioned way, diet and exercise!"

Since that may tends not to be enough and usually have to elaborate, I thought that I would do a little series on the tools that I have been using to help me be successful.

Thus, I present to you:

My rower.  I named him Phil

Weapons of Fat Destruction:

Tonight's Weapon: The Rowing Machine

This is a new found love.  These machines have always intimidated me.  They are set off to the side at my gym, away from all the other "serious"  machines.  There are just two of them, and they are literally in their own corner behind a pillar so that no one can see them.  I've wanted to try them for a while because I thought it would be a good way for me to work out my arms (which have needed some special attention for a while now...)  Finally a few weeks ago in an effort to break through my plateau, I gathered up the courage and ventured over to this area, blew the dust off the seat, and began what will surely be a long term relationship.

The first time I used it, I had no clue what I was doing.  I set it on a low setting because I didn't want to over do it.  I quickly realized I needed to increase the tension level as the low levels were far too easy.  As of right now, I'm not doing it for very long; maybe 15 minutes or so at the end of my workout.  By that point my back starts to ache a little bit.  But, I love doing this at the end of my workout rather than at the beginning because after I'm dripping with sweat I can sit down at this machine and the constant moving back and forth on the rowing machine actually gets a good breeze going.  You aren't all sweaty and gross at the end of it!  My breathing is quick, so I know I got a good workout but you don't have that feel of "ick" that you get after sitting on a stationary bike, or running on a treadmill.

If I'm going at my typical steady pace, I tend to burn about 10 calories per minute, so I'm averaging 150 calories per workout on this machine thus far.  I hope to be able to increase my time on the machine, but I really don't want to over do it too much.  I will build up my stamina slowly, because the last thing I need is an injury due to impatience.

I do have to admit that I think I'm already seeing some results in my arms.  It could all be in my head, but I really think they look better.  I feel stronger too.

The one downside to the machine is figuring out where to put my iPod!  I lost my arm band, so when I'm working out on the other machines I'm putting it in a drink holder or the iPod specific cubby.  This machine doesn't have anything like that obviously, and you need both your hands so its not like you can hold it.  So where have I been putting it?  My good ol' trusty sports bra!  I feel kind of silly about it and I typically wipe it down with the sanitizer afterwards, but for right now it's working.  It just looks like I have rectangular iPod shaped growth.

So, there you have one of my tools to success.  I'll keep you posted on how my relationship with Phil develops.  Hopefully he and I are in it together for the long haul.