I love you, I love you not...

All my life, like so many overweight people, I've struggled with a bad relationship with food.  I don't consider myself to be an emotional eater, I just really liked food!  I liked the way it tasted, and that made me happy.  So, what do you do when you find something that makes you happy?  You embrace it.  You never let it go.  I loved food.  But, I didn't love what food made me see when I looked in the mirror.

Honestly, the biggest part of my journey has been about building a better relationship with food. I came to the realization food isn't something that I needed to make me happy.  When I looked at my life (conveniently not looking at the jobless end of the spectrum...) I realized I lead a pretty good one.  I live in New York City and have a career that I absolutely adore.  I have a great group of friends who would be there for me at the drop of a hat (and have been.)  I have two great sisters that make me laugh and smile, and a mother whom I love with all my heart.  All in all, not too shabby!  Food shouldn't be playing into my equation for what makes me happy.  Food is fuel, and I needed to start viewing it as such.

This has, of course, been a great struggle.  I was never much of a vegetable person, I was more of a fruit fan.  But, since I started, I have found myself standing in the frozen food section debating between the green beans or broccoli.  I have started adding actually healthy things to my salad instead of the croutons.  Red meat is rare if at all.  Whole wheat, instead of white.  Egg whites.  You name it and I've tried to alter it.

Here's where the problem comes into play...  Remember that 6 Week Itch?  Yeah...  It included food exhaustion.  The problem that I was having was that while I had found healthy alternatives to my diet, I was tending to repeat them as I didn't really know of many other options.  So, what did that make me do?  I started to drift from the path.  Not drastically, but I just noticed a little bit here and a little bit there.  This continued until I saw that (albeit incorrect) number on the scale.  Since then I've tried a little bit more realistic approach.

I never eased into my new way of life, I just changed everything cold turkey. I've realized that I can't go from zero to sixty at the drop of a hat. It's okay to have a slice of pizza once and a while!  Just don't eat half of it!  It's okay to have french fries once and a while, just don't supersize!  I've learned that it's all about moderation.  If I'm going to have these special treats, I need to accommodate for it by being incredibly careful in the rest of my meals.

Actually the days that I would really beat myself up about my calories going over my suggestion number, was on the two days a week I'm not walking.  I need to stop that!  I wasn't going over by much, but I was beating myself up about it.  I need to realize that the suggested number of calories in order for me to lose two pounds per week, is just that.  SUGGESTED!  If I go over it by 100 calories it doesn't mean that I've ruined my entire week!  It just means I might not see a full 2 pounds dropped.  Or, that I need to walk a little bit longer. Either way, I need to not beat myself up about food anymore.

Food isn't the thing in my life that I can call if I need to talk to someone.  Food isn't who I tell funny stories about the crazy people on the subway to.  My relationship with food has moved from rampant love affair to mere acquaintances.  I think it's a good change.  It was time that we started seeing other people...

Running to and fro

I, my dear friends, have decided that I am going to take up running.

Please, take a moment to collect yourselves and let this sink in.

Ok, now that you've picked your jaws up from the ground, I can explain.

I have been walking steadily for 6 full weeks now, at least 4-5 times per week.  My stamina is leaps and bounds above what it was when I started.  I've realized that walking is only going to do so much for me on this journey.  I mean, I could keep increasing the length of my walks and I could increase my speed a bit, but I'm getting the point where much faster of a pace and I'll be jogging.  Also, if I increase the length of the walks it's going to start taking a LONG time to complete my exercise each day.  I've always been a proponent of the "walking is just as good for you as jogging" argument, however it was my dear friend Stacia who brought up the point that its just going to start taking longer to do.  Granted, I have nothing but time these days, but the moment I get a job, that's not going to be the case.  The fact of the matter is I need to keep pushing myself so, either I join a gym and find a trainer (something I can't afford to do at the moment) or I take advantage of one of the multiple "Couch to 5K" programs that are out there on the web.

I'm not going to lie, this video was also a HUGE inspiration to me:




I've NEVER been a runner.  Not even in elementary school.  I would always gasp and wheeze during my laps, unable to even run a mile without stopping for a mandatory breather.  (I couldn't climb the ropes either, but that's another sad childhood memory...)

Times have changed however.  Or at least I'm hoping they will.  I feel stronger than I have in a VERY long time and with this handy-dandy "album" that I downloaded from iTunes, I think I have a runner deep inside me waiting to come out!

The album I downloaded is from the Personal Running Trainer program.  I chose the 8 Weeks to 5K one.  Each week is set to music that I download to my iPod and it makes training incredibly simple.  Rather than having to constantly pay attention to your time or distance a voice on the album tells you when to start running and when to start walking.  I build my running stamina slowly each week. It's Running for Dummies!

I read a lot of reviews online and it was a bunch of people all with stories that sounded similar to mine and I realized what makes them any different from me?  These people are literally going from couch potatoes directly to running.  I have 6 weeks of exercise on them!

I'm going to take my time on this.  I'm not training for a particular race, although I would like to eventually run one.  If I feel like I'm not ready to move onto the next week's running program, then I will simply repeat a week. I'm doing this purely for me, just like I am this entire project.  I'm not out there to compete.  Well, actually I am, but only against myself.

And I gotta say, I'm pretty competitive.
 

P.S.  I had my roommate hide my scale so that I'm not tempted to weigh myself before my weekly weigh in.  I'm DYING!  I feel like I'm going through withdrawals, only my drug of choice is a bathroom scale!  ARGH!  The agony!!

The 6 week itch...

The 6 week itch.  Sounds like a skin condition, doesn't it?  No, no... It's my self control cracking.

It was 6 weeks ago when I decided to take control over my health and work towards creating a new me.  It hasn't been an easy process.  It's taken hard work, determination and the ability to fight tons and tons of food cravings.  However, all of this hard work has paid off so far... 14 pounds lost!

This week however, I had my first set back...  I actually saw the numbers on the scale go the wrong way.

Now, you know that I am not one who is able to stay off my scale.  I tend to weigh myself about every other day.  Terrible I know...  There are so many factors that affect our weight from day to day.  Do any of those factors go through my head when I see those numbers?

NOPE!

All I can think is that I'm a failure.  Am I really?  To put it simply...no.  My clothes are fitting differently.  Multiple people have told me that they could see a difference.  My energy is up.  My stamina is up.  Basically all signs are pointing towards the positive, with the exception of the scale (that I shouldn't have even been on in the first place!)

Once I smacked myself for the negative thoughts, I did start to think about why I possibly could be seeing the scale move in the wrong direction.

Reason #1:
Possible Water Retention.  Have I been drinking as much water as I need to be?  Um, no.  For the most part, during this process I've been pretty good about getting in at least 8 glasses of water per day.  The past few days I've been slacking in this regard.

Reason #2:
I haven't been tracking my calories as closely.  This is why I'm thinking I have the 6 week itch.  It's been 6 weeks since I've changed my diet, which means that seriously cravings are coming into play.  With the cravings come inappropriate snacking.  With snacking comes me either forgetting to journal these calories, or I purposefully don't journal the calories because I feel guilty about them.  TOTALLY not healthy behavior!  I'm not going overboard compared to what I used to, but still they are little sneak peeks into past behavior that needs to be nipped in the bud.

Reason #3:
My metabolism might have slowed.  Since I started this process I've been pretty good about having something about every two hours to keep my metabolism up.  Be it a piece of fruit, slice of cheese, small yogurt, anything...  The past few days I haven't been doing this.  Need to get back in the habit.

After I sat down and actually thought about the possible reasons for the gain I felt better.  These were all things that I could fix and today has been a good jump in the right direction.  (I'm also going to have my roommate hide the scale and only bring it out once a week so that I won't be tempted to get on it early!)

I do have to give myself a pat on the back.  Previously, I would have seen this miniscule set back as a MAJOR deal.  I would have beaten myself up about and used it as an excuse to quit.  But not this time.  I remembered that the real reason behind doing all of this isn't the numbers on the scale.  Those are just a nice after effect.  The reason I'm doing this is get healthy.  Lower my blood pressure, reduce risk of diabetes, etc.

This time I looked the 6 week itch square in the eye and then kicked its ass.

Bring on week 7!

Never give up, never surrender!

So, I stepped on the scale today and I have to admit I was both incredibly excited and slightly nervous about what I saw.

While today wasn't my weigh-in day (I'm AWFUL about waiting a week before stepping on the scale.  It just sits there and calls my name from underneath the bathroom sink!) I decided to check in and see what my trusty friend was going to tell me today.

2.8 pounds lost since last Wednesday!  I know 1-2 pounds per week is what is considered healthy, but I'm not going to be upset about how much weight I lost!  I'm following my suggested calorie intake, and I'm exercising 5-6 times per week.  My body is going to do what my body is going to do...

So, the number on the scale obviously wasn't the problem.  What made me nervous was that I had a flash back to the one and only other time in my life when I sincerely tried to lose weight.  It was 4 years ago now and I wasn't really following a strict diet.  I mean, I was eating healthier and making better choices, but I wasn't counting calories or anything.  Needless to say, I hit a plateau.

I did quite well for three months.  I was losing the recommended 1-2 pounds per week and all looked good.  Then, when I hit 15 pounds lost all forward momentum seemed to just stop.  Of course, it didn't really hit me that maybe I should lower my calorie intake...  I just got frustrated.  And what happens when you get frustrated?  (or at least, when I get frustrated?)  I quit.

I hit that wall and I just quit!

I am currently at 13 pounds lost, and I'm rapidly approaching my previous benchmark and while I'm not worried that I'm going to stop losing weight immediately again, I am worried about what will happen when I do hit that inevitable plateau.  It's looming out there just waiting for me.  I know it is!

What I suppose I am asking is that when I do hit that eventual wall, that you guys help push me through it.  I have a feeling I am going to need a bit of support and encouragement to not just give up.  So please, if you hear me complaining about a wall, or a plateau or saying that "I JUST DON'T WANT TO KEEP GOING!"  I give you permission now to kindly kick me in the ass and shove me out the door.  I won't hate you.

For long...

Tomorrow is another day

Today I had a minor setback in Project: Healthy Maia.

This setback doesn't actually have to do with weight, but with another part of myself that I've been trying to get healthy as well and that's my spirit.

I know, I know it probably sounds corny as hell but this summer was a really bad one for me. As I believe I mentioned previously, when someone has essentially built their entire life around their career and has made it a major part of who they are, when that person isn't working they tend to feel lost and like they've lost a major part of their very being. I've been in this state of nothingness since May when I last worked.

In June, I interviewed (twice actually) for a job. Then the company went through some major restructuring and I thought the job I was interviewing for disappeared along with a lot of other things. I had completely written it off. Then, about a month ago I was contacted again and was informed that the job did still indeed exist and they were still interested. Color me excited!

Today I received an email telling me that they were wrong. No job. I felt like someone had just popped the balloon that was my self worth. All of a sudden the progress that I had been making this past month towards a happier version of myself was gone. I am back where I started (only now 8 pounds lighter) and I feel as if I've wasted these past 4 weeks that could have been spent sincerely looking for a job in earnest instead of waiting around for this job that now never was. Who knows how many jobs I could have applied for in that amount of time?

I know I will eventually find a job, but its hard

not to feel a bit helpless and hopeless right now.

I guess the difference in myself now from the myself of 4 weeks ago is that I know I will eventually be okay. I can't dwell on it forever. I need just brush myself off and get right back on the horse again. Tonight, however, I'm allowing myself to wallow in my unemployment. But only for tonight. Tomorrow I'm going to wake up, and take charge again. Because as Scarlett O'Hara once taught us, tomorrow is another day.

I think I'll go for a walk outside now

So, in order for me to start working towards a newer, healthier version of myself one of the major changes I was going to have to make was to actually get up off my butt and MOVE!

I have never been an exceptionally active individual. I mean, sure I played outside as a kid, but I was never one to play organized team sports or go running just for fun. In fact the very thought of running makes me dry heave. The closest I ever got to being extremely active, and when I was probably the healthiest in my life was when I was in my high school marching band. Now many may scoff, but you try holding up an instrument (doesn't matter that I played flute!) for ten straight minutes and then add in hauling ass across a football field. It isn't easy, believe me!

Well, since the days of marching band are far behind me, I need to find other ways to stay healthy. I'm kind of on a tight budget right now since the job situation is not exactly where I would like it to be at the moment, which means that I need to find a way to exercise that doesn't involve me joining a gym at the moment.

What did I come up with?

CENTRAL PARK!

It's kind of silly that Central Park is within 100 feet of my front door and I wasn't utilizing it properly until this summer. What's even better than the fact that Central Park is 100 feet from my house? The fact that just a short 2 minute walk inside the park brings me to

the Reservoir!

For those who live outside of New York City, the Reservoir is the BIG body of water in the park that you always see people running and walking around in movies. Think Charlotte in the first Sex and the City movie.

It has a great path that leads around the outside of it that is 1.5 miles long and its well maintained (i.e. no dips and holes. Considering my history with holes in the ground, this is a VERY good thing!)

This picture to the right was taken on today's walk. Not too shabby right?

I do venture from the Reservoir as well. Just this past Sunday I took a very long meandering hike through the park with Katie. We walk through parts I never knew existed in the park before. I'm just weary of some of the paths because they are not nearly as well kept as the Reservoir's path. Like I said, I'm weary of holes in the ground!

I know its not always going to be an ideal place and come winter it might not be very possible at all to use, but for right now these walks are getting the job done and helping me on my road to a newer, healthier me.

Next post I'll talk about what I use to stay healthy when the weather doesn't permit outside exercise. Imagine hula hoops.

TTFN

M

Gone but not forgotten!

For the two of you that used to read this blog, I must apologize. I may have not been writing for a LONG while, but I haven't forgotten about this blog.

As my close friends (or really anyone who is friends with me on facebook) can attest, I went through a bit of a bad summer. For someone who has spent the vast majority of her adulthood focusing on building and bettering her career almost to the point where I was ignoring my "real" life, to be unemployed has left me almost without an identity. I think I went through my "Quarter Life Crisis" a bit late it seems.

It was really up through very recently that I spent the majority of my day being depressed and doing nothing. Then it really was as if I was hit by lightening. I turned 29 in June and I realized that is roughly 10 months time I am going to be turning the big 3-0. I can't keep living my life like the way I was! I was incredibly unhealthy. Not watching what I ate AT ALL, and barely any activity. If I kept this up, I was going to be yet another one of my extended family members to be diabetic, and who knows what other health issues would start to arise. My blood pressure was already starting to creep up according to my last visit to the doctor. I couldn't keep going on like this!

So I've decided to make a change. Not just a subtle, simple change. A LIFESTYLE change. I needed to start watching what I eat. I needed to be exercising and just general MOVING at least 3-4 times per week. Honestly, the weight issue (I'm at the highest weight of my life) was secondary in all of this. HEALTH is the goal. Obviously the weight would drop off as a result of my lifestyle change, but I'm not even bothering to set an official weight goal.

Here is another realization that I came to in all of this self exploration. I'm PRETTY! My friends can attest I have horrible self esteem when it comes to the way that I look, so this realization is actually pretty major. I've spent my entire life thinking that I was ugly (now I'm not telling you this because I'm fishing for compliments, I'm simply being honest) and it just suddenly hit me one day as I was looking in the mirror that I actually have a REALLY pretty face. I need to get healthy and fit so that I can give myself the body that my face deserves. This may sound really silly to some of you, but alas this is another of my discoveries...

"Why are you telling me all this?" You might be asking... I'm telling you because I think that I will be using this blog as a tool to help me in what I have deemed "Project: Healthy Maia." I was inspired to write about my journey in blog form by a friend of mine back from the middle school days, Emily. She writes an amazing blog at skinnyemmie.com that is inspiring, witty, intelligent and moving where she is sharing her amazing journey to lose weight and find a healthier (both physically and mentally) version of herself. She shares her highs and lows with her readers and it seems to have helped her a great deal. I STRONGLY encourage anyone who has ever dealt with similar issues with their weight/health to take a look at her blog. You'll get hooked, I promise you!

Anyway, this is all I'm going to share for now. Stay tuned for (hopefully) frequent updates on Project: Healthy Maia. I will also continue to write about other subjects as they strike me.

Until next time, good night and good luck.