Are You Okay?

It's been a while since I've posted, but no good excuses.  Whenever I don't post, it's usually for the same reasons:  I'm depressed, I've eaten poorly, I've stopped exercising...

In this case?  All three.

Last week my tour was in Las Vegas.  In addition to that, it was my birthday and one of my best friends came out to visit me.  We stayed in the Fremont Street area of Downtown Vegas instead of near the strip and while I liked being away from the craziness of the strip, staying on Fremont presented its own problems. Number one being that there was no food really accessible except for fast food.  I ate more crap my week in Vegas than I think the past two years combined.  It was awful!

In addition to the bad eating, I had a friend in town so instead of making time to exercise I was spending every waking moment with him.  I enjoyed it, but boy, did I feel the pain when I finally got back onto the treadmill this week.  My body was rejecting it and my heart rate skyrocketed WELL above what it normally does.  By last night though I was feeling closer to normal and even tested myself to kind of cheat on the C210K and run longer than was required so that I could make sure I could actually run a mile again.  Good news, I could.  :)  I had a smile on my face after last night's workout, that's for damn sure!

Anyway, add the horrible eating (also it was my birthday so there was some drinking involved!) with the lack of exercise and I'm positive I gained about 5 pounds (AT LEAST!) during the week of Las Vegas.  I stepped on the scale today for an official weigh-in for the first time in a month...  It could have been worse.  It could have been better too, but I'm back on the road to fixing that!

Last Official Weigh-In (5/19/12):                  244.9
Today Official Weigh-In (6/23/12):               244.9

Nothing lost, nothing gained

I know that I've lost some of what I gained that week, but I also know I'm not back down to where I was before.  The clothes that had felt a little loose don't feel the same, that's how I know.

On top of the weight fluctuation, I got kind of depressed as well.  I tend to get depressed around my birthday, so it's nothing new.  Just a kind of "blue" feeling washed over me.  I think it had to do with being away from my NYC "Family" not to mention my actual family.  It's really hard sometimes for my family to be literally spread across the globe.  But I'm feeling better, especially since I have a few friends here in LA (where my tour is through the beginning of July) and after that I get to spend a whole week in NYC over the July 4th holiday.  A whole week to just go back to my normal life.  It will be a nice break.  Then for the entire month of August I'm going to be staying with my Mom back in Kentucky.  That I'm actually looking forward to the most!  Crazy as it sounds I miss Kentucky (I'm sure that will pass in a few days after my arrival) but it will be nice to just relax, spend time with my Mom and get some stuff accomplished that I've been putting off.  Not to mention, eat real food that I've cooked for myself and not from a microwave!

I've come to a couple of conclusions over the past month that I want to share with you.  One night in Vegas, I had a dream (which I usually don't remember...) and the only thing that was vivid enough to remember the following morning was that I had received a text message from my dear friend and all it said was "Are you okay?"  At the time, I wasn't actually sure of the answer.  It was the midst of my depression last week and I couldn't honestly say "yes" or "no."  This week, I think I know the answer... "I"m getting there..."  I slipped and fell last week in terms of my life and this week I'm picking myself up, shaking myself off and walking in the right direction.

The other conclusion I came to a couple of days ago was that I'm becoming a very negative person and I don't like it and to be honest I don't even know if I like myself.  I'm finding myself making very bitchy comments and remarks the vast majority of the time.  I don't know if its because I'm tired and I'm looking forward to the upcoming break or if this is just what I'm becoming.  Either way, I'm going to try and make a very concerted effort to be a nicer person.  I don't want to be mean.  Sarcastic?  Sure, I've always been sarcastic, but I don't like being mean.  So, from here on out I'm going to try and think positive thoughts.  It might sometimes be a challenge but I'm going to do it.

Anyway, this is where my mind has been the last couple of weeks.  I'm going to keep putting one foot in front of the other and make progress next week.  Here's to hoping for a better tomorrow.

Oh, and since it was my birthday last week, I decided it was time for another comparison photo.  Even though I don't think I've lost a lot of weight, I think I might be losing some inches.  (sure do wish I kept track of those... Maybe one of these days I'll get around to it!)

Until we meet again, oh great interwebs...

Holy Dehydration Batman!

My work has brought me to Tempe (Phoenix) for the week and holy crap, it's hot!

Every single day is forecasted to be at least 100 degrees, and while yes, it's a dry heat that doesn't make the heat any less unbearable.

The hotel we are staying in does not have its own gym, but they have an arrangement with Arizona State University to allow hotel guests to use the Student Rec Center.  After taking care of the normal errands that I usually take care of after my arrival in a new city (grocery shop, get the lay of the land, etc.)  I decided that I might relax by the pool and read for a bit.  Um, yeah... that lasted about 20 minutes.  Even just laying out in the sun I started to drip with sweat.  I took a bottle of water outside with me, but I only drank about half of it.  First step in my road to dehydration...

After my casual pool lounging idea was a total bust, I decided I should just go ahead and make my way to the gym.  Get my work out over with for the day, that way I had plenty of time to shower and eat dinner before seeing a movie with my boss later that evening (a typical Monday night event.)

As soon as I started walking to the gym (it's two and a half blocks) I realized that I had left my water bottle back in the hotel.  I don't have one in the gym on a regular basis so I figured I would be okay.  WRONG.  Step two in my road to dehydration...

Today was the first day/long run of the new week of my C210K program.  It called for me to run 5 minutes/walk 1 minute a total of 10 times.  After the first 15 minutes I knew it was going to be a rough one.  I slowed my pace way down, I extended the walking breaks, basically did anything I could do (with the exception of shortening the running segments) to get me through it.  The thing I realized is that even though the gym was air conditioned, I think my internal thermostat knew that it was over 100 degrees outside because I was sweating like crazy.  Even more than normal.  My legs felt sluggish, more so than they should have after the previous two days of rest. (stupid hotel in Salt Lake City locked the gym door on Sunday night and not even their master key could get it to open.  I was livid that they made me miss my run.)  Afterwards, however, was when I noticed a slight pounding in my head. My lips were insanely chapped, and I was drenched in sweat.  We have a winner!  I was officially dehydrated!

When I got back to the hotel I drank about a liter and a half of water, but it was no use.  I dehydrated myself and it was going to take me a while to recover.  It made me realize that on a regular basis, I do not drink enough water.  Unless I am sincerely making an effort to drink water specifically, I am a soda drinker, and when I do drink water it's with Crystal Light or Mio mixed in.  I just find water so boring!  I know that soda, even of the diet variety, is insanely horrible for me but I just can't stop!  Caffeine plays a factor with that as well.

What I did buy at the grocery store are the flavored carbonated waters, but as soon as I buy them, I drink them almost immediately and they are quite cumbersome and not easy to really buy in bulk as say a case of soda.

I need to do a lot better with my water though.  I can't be in a constant state of dehydration for the two weeks, or I'll be miserable!

Chug a lug, Maia!  Drink it up!

I'm a Beast, or Musings of a Woman Going Scale Free

So, even though it hasn't really been very long since I've decided to go scale-free, I've already come up with some thoughts on the subject.

Pro:  There is a pressure that I feel has been lifted since I'm not constantly looking at the scale for validation.  I'm looking for other non-scale victories instead, like how my muscles feel, if my clothes fit differently, etc.  No numbers, just little pats on the back.

Con:  I do have a nagging fear in the back of my head that keeps popping up.  "What if this whole scale free month doesn't change anything and I'm at the exact same place where I started.  How much of a failure are you going to feel like?"

I have to admit, this is a huge fear of mine.  I wanted to do this scale-free project because I wanted to get back to basics, which is measuring and tracking exactly what I eat and how many calories I burn.  If I go along with that formula, in theory I should be shedding weight.  However what if I follow this formula and it doesn't work?  What will I do then?

The problem is that I secretly have a number that I would love to see on the scale at the end of this scale drought and even if I do see weight being lost, if I don't come close to this number there is a very good chance I'll be severely disappointed.  I need to get this number out of my head, especially since it's not really realistic, like at all...  I'm essentially setting myself up for a set back if I keep thinking this way with regards to my experiment.

Anyway, in other news, I did have a pretty nice non-scale victory last night.  I was running in the hotel gym when one of my actors and his fiance came into the gym.  I had about a half hour left of my C210K program, so I just let them do their thing and I did mine.  Then, after my cool down I took off my headphones and they both said something along the lines of "How do you run for so long?  You're a beast."

Do you think he meant this Beast?

Literally, he said I was a beast.

Can't lie, that felt amazing.

They proceeded to ask how I came to be able to run for as long as I was (4 minutes with 2 minutes of walking in between for this week of my C210K).  I told them about the "Couch to..." programs and the app I am currently using.  I suggested that they start with a 5k program since they might get frustrated and possibly overwhelmed with a 10k program.  They asked me all sorts of questions and I was more than happy to answer them all for them.

At the end of the conversation, the fiance thanked me and told me she felt encouraged and even excited about the prospect of learning how to run.  I felt good that I had passed on some words of wisdom, and it inspired me to definitely keep at it.   It was just another reminder at how far I've come.  I was that intimidated person, scared about the idea of running a mile, let alone a 5k or 10k.  I was able to accomplish it, and while I was significantly heavier than I am currently.

I can do this.  I can run a 10k again.  I can run a half marathon.  Beyond that, we'll see...